Entrepreneur Seeks Driver/Secretary Who Looks and Acts Like His Favorite Sexy Video Game Character


In fantastic news for unemployed Australian women, a commerce student recently posted an extremely long (on purpose, as to “filter out the less keen people”) job description on the job search site “Seek.” He’s looking for the right secretary/driver for his upcoming media/arts publishing company, which will be a mix of ABC Good Game, The Economist, Star Wars, Alien, and The Nerdist Podcast. (One of these things is not like the other.)

Our enterprising friend is a totally easygoing dude who has a few requirements for applicants, but the main criteria is that you must look and act exactly like Juno Eclipse from Star Wars, and, ideally, fall in love with him.

First, a little about Mr. Wannabe Starkiller:

I have a pretty upbeat personality and I think a certain degree of human flair. I think I have what it takes to run a strong ethical and valuable business that has the potential, or at least the avid intention to make a sincere stand against oppressive areas of consumerism and political control.

He’s not just looking for a driver, but “a rational, sensible intelligent individual that has awareness and geniune interest in socio-politcal, socio-economic,” (and hopefully a copy editor, because it cuts off there.)

But you must also be into “psychology, mathematics, broadening the mind through travel, philosophy, pop-culture, film, reading, and exploring the world” and “a bit of a gamer chick.”

A sound understanding of cars and automobile mechanics would be nice, too, since you’ll be driving his old Beemer, which, “for the sake of authenticity,” will be registered under the company under the name of “Rogue Shadow.” Sure, of course. You must also have a “knack with navigation” and be able to handle basic secretarial duties.

However, above all, you must look like Juno from The Force Unleashed, a Star Wars video game. Repeat: you must look like an animated character.

Your prospective employer helpfully included a link to a Wikia page, which includes this quote that sums everything up pretty well:

“My orders are clear; I’m to keep your ship running and fly you where ever your missions require.” — Juno Eclipse upon meeting Starkiller

For more “mature” applicants, there’s this link to a Wikipedia article on Juno, daughter of Saturn and the protector and special counselor of Rome. See, he’s chill if you’re more into that alternative “ancient Roman goddess” look!

“Relax,” you guys, because “you won’t be required to wear or do anything silly, just jeans and smart casuals/hip travelling clothes. Job had purely the professional requirement of being the ‘pilot’ and providing opinion/feedback on any consumer adventures that eventuate.”

“Pretty much” he “would like our relationship to be purely professional and plutonic.” Pretty much, because there’s always the possibility that your connection could be altered by some “Oedipus-like fate,” which — judging from the YouTube video included in the listing — apparently doesn’t involve sleeping with your mother and killing your father, just falling in love with your boss while “When I’m Gone” by 3 Doors Down plays in the background.

Some more pertinent info:

As for hours of the job, it’s not too demanding at first and will purely be part time on the weekend, but will slowly eventuate to a more full time role once things get up and running, laah. Pretty much you’ll go through, say a three month probation period, which will lead to full employment, well if I think your a likable, insightful and intelligent person. Someone who is well grounded, not too materialist, someone that loves the finer things, but also loves roughing it from time to time. If your a bit of a nerd and love sci-fi related stuff, then you’ve got a pretty good chance going far in the role.
Pay is negotiable based on experience, naturally if you’ve had a lot of secretarial experience in corporate environments, or spent some years at ADFA, or have a pHD in metaphysics, or speak another language fluently your pay is going to be a lot better. Also it would help if you like Rage Against the Machine, U2, Yeah Yeah Yeah, Tegan & Sarah, Coldplay, Foo Fighters, LCD Soundsystem

But, again:

if you look and speak like Juno I probably hire you regardless of say well anything, even disclosures of violent psychotic fits of rage on your resume; I support we can find a way to work around that 🙂

Lastly, he’d like you to remember that “Facebook, Twitter, Youtube all started out as quirky, absurd ideas. :)” Pay starts at $20 an hour. Ladies, start your engines!


(Images via Wikia).

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