Everyone Gets a Book! 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Stormy Daniels is writing a tell-all book about everything from her rough childhood to her alleged affair with President Trump, she announced on The View.“I’m going to write everything and include it,” Daniels explained.“And people can think what they want about me, but at least it’s the truth.” She plans on dedicating her book to her daughter.

• Republicans are shitting their pants about the midterms. [Washington Post]
• Omarosa thinks she knows who wrote The Op-Ed and it’s…… someone from Mike Pence’s team? [E!]
• Bernie(’s son) wouldn’t have won. [Politico]
• The House’s farm bill is, in a move of pure vindictiveness, really bad for formerly incarcerated people. [Think Progress]
• Don’t expect any legislation about sexual harassment on Capitol Hill to be deemed important enough to pass before the midterms. [CNN]
• Eric Trump made his father proud on Fox News:

• While Nicki Minaj capes for Cuomo, Ilana Glazer of Broad City fame is using her titties to get her followers to pay attention to Thursday’s New York primary and vote Nixon.

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.