Facing Criticism, Pelosi Calls for Investigation Into Sexual Harassment Allegations Against Conyers 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• After a catastrophic interview in which she referred to Democratic Rep. John Conyers, who is facing sexual harassment allegations, as an “icon,” leader Nancy Pelosi has changed tack and called for an investigation by the House Ethics Committee. Although several Dems have called for his resignation, Conyers, the House’s longest-serving Representative, has indicated that he means to stay put—even though, in addition to the serious allegations at hand, the New York Times reports that the 88-year-old often appears “disoriented,” and wore pajamas to Congressional events on “at least two separate occasions.” [The New York Times]
• The new HHS Secretary nominee, Alex Azar, does not appear to be the massively unethical zealot that Tom Price was, but he is an anti-abortion conservative who hails from the pharmaceutical industry. [Politico]
• Here’s a super coherent speech on tax reform from our president. [Twitter]
• A brand new Florida company with no history of government contracts that is based out of a single-family home was somehow awarded a $30 million contract by FEMA to provide Puerto Rico with emergency tarps. NOW EVERYBODY GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! [The Guardian]
• Kellyanne Conway is now coordinating the White House’s response to the opioid crisis, for some reason. [BuzzFeed]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.