Football Loses His Instagram Account to Harry and Meghan

“I got a jokey text from my son which said ‘Ha ha, I see your handle has gone then’,” the 55-year-old tells Radio 1 Newsbeat.

“I thought ‘What’s that all about?’ He said ‘Look on Instagram’ so I looked on Instagram and suddenly my handle wasn’t @sussexroyal anymore it was @_sussexroyal_

“It had been taken.”

He admitted he barely posted, and mostly used it to follow other people. Instagram confirmed to the BBC that he’d been bounced in accordance with their policies, which “allows it to make changes to an account if it’s been inactive for a certain amount of time.” Kevin still has the Twitter handle, though! And now the poor man is getting sucked into the royal trollstorm: “I didn’t ask for this. I’ve had the account for years – it’s not very pleasant.”

Meanwhile, the British tabloids have miraculously found a shit-stirring angle in all this, as Lainey Gossip pointed out:

“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex created their own platform this afternoon but failed to connect with Prince Andrew in an humiliating moment for Prince Harry’s uncle,” according to the Express. “The move has further showcased Meghan and Harry’s independence from other royals following their split from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Kensington Palace.” Yes, in a SHOCKING snub, they followed Kensington Palace, Clarence House, and The Royal Family first, and then everyone and everything else roughly two hours later. HUMILIATING! UNPRECEDENTED!

Sometimes I truly worry they are going to pull a muscle reaching so hard, so far.