Goop Teaches Readers How to Make a Bed

Are you a person who has never had to do anything for herself and is just now discovering basic tenets of personal care? Is it a miracle that you haven’t accidentally died by drowning in a bathtub or sink or chardonnay glass or accidentally nailing your head to a Christmas tree? Then you will find Goop’s latest offering incredibly useful.

Today, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle site finally — finally bestowed on the world instructions on how to properly make a bed. Let’s all follow along.

Fitted sheet first, preferably out of a medium-heat dryer. Don’t let them sit or they’ll just become more wrinkled. Start with top corners and move down to the bottom, pressing out the wrinkles with your hands as you go.

Excellent. Check. Moving on.

Place the flat sheet on next, squaring it evenly to give yourself enough slack for whatever cuff size you prefer. (If you like a modern look, make a wider, 10″-16″ cuff on the turn-down fold. If you like a more traditional look, 6″-10″ is the perfect cuff width.)

I don’t mean to sound like a rube but: fuck a sheet cuff. Useless step. Next.

Place whatever blanket you are going to use over the fitted sheet and square it. I like to tuck the end of the bed under first.

Same. I love tucking.

Here’s another tip:

If you like the pristine look of pressed linens but don’t have the time, just press your pillowcases. If you want to go a step farther, iron the folded down cuff on the bed itself.

I can think of few things more terrifying than walking into a room to find someone on their hands and knees ironing a sheet cuff on an already-made bed. That’s some dental office murder shit. Nope. Nope nope nope.

Image via Shutterstock

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