Jeff Sessions Announces Official Sanctuary City Crackdown 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Jeff Sessions, a feeble remora clinging onto an irritable, demented shark for dear life, announced that starting next year, cities that don’t let ICE into their prisons and jails and generally cooperate with ICE priorities will lose federal funding. [The Daily Beast]
• Pentagon officials have concluded that North Korea will have the capacity to hit the US with nuclear weapons as soon as 2018, a dramatically shortened timeline. fdkal;fdsakfjdaks;lfjdskla;! [Washington Post]
• The House passed the Russia sanctions bill by wide margins, putting Trump under pressure to sign it or look like a straight Russians stooge. The bill, which passed 419 to 3, would target Russia, North Korea, and Iran with sanctions and limit Trump’s ability to undo them without congressional support. [Washington Post]
• I am already exhausted by the Mooch. [New York Times]
• A federal judge blocked the potential deportation of 1,400 Iraqis, giving them time to appeal their cases in court. [The Guardian]
• Paul Manafort testified to the Senate Intel Committee. [Washington Post]

Here are some tweets the President was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.