Jennifer Aniston Turned Down Justin Theroux's Marriage Proposal, Everyone Stupidly Still Asks Her How It Feels To Be An Old Fishwife Crone

By Anna Breslaw  |  July 6, 2012 | 1:00pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Jennifer Aniston continues attempting in vain to make everyone feel OK about her awesome, independent, filthy-rich yet somehow still pretty likeable perma-playtime sad, unwedded, spurned, childless existence in an interview with GQ Spain: “‘A perfect life?’ I think that’s sort of cliché, isn’t it?. Like, if you want to be happy, you should have the house, the husband, the kid… Kids are messy. I’ll tell you what, I think the 40s are great.” Rumor has it that Justin Theroux proposed while they were on vacation but she turned him down, feeling that he only did it because he felt pressured. Click through and look at those GQ pictures. You will see an old hag, covered in seaweed, doubled over with knowledge. JK she looks amazing. [Daily Mail]

Because you needed the perfect Gwyneth Paltrow-endorsed white shirt, there is now an extra-special GOOP design co-created by Paltrow and Kain Label. Writes the actress in the latest GOOP: “Inspired by tuxedo tailoring, we added grosgrain piping to the shoulders and sides, and shortened the length, modernizing this essential wardrobe staple.” It is also $90, so she forgot the part where it is spun from Pegasus asshole hairs by the princess in Rumplestiltskin. So go cover yourself in Gak! I mean GOOP! [NYDN]

Nas finally speaks out about using ex-wife Kelis’s green wedding dress on the cover of his new album Life Is Good: “I found it in my house and thought, it’s going somewhere! Either on the cover of my album, or burning in a garbage can.” He laughs. “I was angry when I first found it. Hurt and angry – but I don’t think she left it deliberately to hurt me. It’s just part of the dress, so I don’t know where the rest of it is. But it made all the sense in the world for me to hold on to that. I guess that’s just my personality… She’s an incredible woman. It just ended really publicly, it seemed real bad. I guess this is my Here, My Dear album, that Marvin Gaye made. It might not be quite so much about the marriage or the divorce, but it’s still that kind of record for me.” [The Guardian UK]

Rihanna is suing her former accountants for tens of millions of dollars after learning that her 2009 tour lost money because they didn’t recommend she trim expenses (while pocketing 22% of the total revenue and giving Rihanna 6%). She hired them back in 2005 when she was 16 and just starting out. This isn’t her first trip to court: she sued a real estate company in L.A. last year over an uninhabitable $6.9 million house. [THR]

If you care, Kate Mara (arguably The Lesser Mara) and Justin Long are dating now, after being with Max Minghella and Drew Barrymore respectively. They were in the Bahamas and “being all romantic at Nobu,” or something, which sounds more like a stage direction from an Entourage script than anything else. Celebrities: They’re just like us! They feed each other flying fish roe that costs more than college! [Page Six]

  • Tom Hardy’s beard, which now speaks for Tom Hardy a la My Left Foot, says he should see his son more. [Sky News]
  • Brad Pitt’s ____ curves to the right. (Answer: Mom. AHAH GOTCHA!!11) [Us Weekly]
  • Kirstie Alley does not want you to hit your kids. [London Free Press]
  • Kristen Stewart was playing with estate jewelry and people think maybe R-Patz proposed. [E! Online]
  • E.L. James says it would be “too weird” if K-Stew and R-Patz starred in Fifty Shades Of Grey, which saves us all some sparkly vampire Ben-Wah ball times. [Radar]
  • Snooki praises her fiance Jionni for taking care of her “like a parent,” which means “letting your kid go on a hedonistic reality show that culminates with her body being described by The New York Times as ‘a turnip turned on its tip,’ an unwanted pregnancy, and the slow transformation into a human meme.” [US Magazine]
  • Mila Kunis speaks of a childhood sweetheart in Ukraine. [Timeslive.co.za]
  • At Ashley Tisdale’s 27th birthday party, Selena Gomez supposedly sobbed over trouble in undropped-ball paradise with Justin Beebz. Waaaaaaait, Ashley Tisdale is 27? [Ace Showbiz]
  • Emma Watson joins Noah with Russell Crowe and his kids are apparently SYYYYKED about it. [Herald Sun]
  • The Funfetti-flavored mini-cupcakes of One Directon will don animal costumes to attend the North Essex Prepubescent Furry Convention elude crazed fans after concerts. [Daily Star]
  • Frank Ocean’s‘s mom took to Twitter to thank his supporters since he divulged on Tumblr that his first love was a man, calls him “the most incredible human I know.” [NME]
  • Oh, and also it turns out that Frank Ocean‘s song “Bigger,” which he wrote for Beebz’s first album, was about said first love, so Beebz unknowingly sang “a GAY LOVE SONG,” which everyone and Brad Pitt’s mom are now making a big deal about inexplicably. [The Sun]
  • The usually-benign, astoundingly politically-correct Seth Macfarlane is slammed for an ALS joke in Ted. [Toronto Sun]
  • When asked what she would want for a superpower, The Amazing Spider-Man actress Sally Field said “to go around and give massive intelligence to all the politicians all over the world, starting right here in this country.” BULLSHIT SALLY FIELD YOU WOULD WANT THE POWER OF FLIGHT. [THR]
  • Jessica Simpson‘s gonna have a wedding dress line. [NYDN]
  • Cam Gigandet and his wife are having a second baby. [People]
  • Britney Spears, refreshingly, looks happy and great on vacation in Hawaii with Jason Trawick and her kids. [News.com.au]
  • Alec Baldwin is fucking back on Twitter again already. [E! Online]
  • Alessandra Ambrosio gets a stern talking-to by PETA for dying her puppy pink and purple. [E! Online]

 
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