Just Some Cool Christian Dating Rules from a Chill Christian Dad 

It’s a real treat for anybody who’s ever wanted sex advice from arch-conservative crooner Pat Boone.

This video comes via Christian Nightmares, and it’s a real doozy: “Going all the way with a guy or girl—what is it? How can you do it? And how can it be fun and enjoyable and not leave you feeling guilty and scarred, reminiscent of a memory you wish you could forget,” says this radio-voiced paterfamilias, helpfully adding (after a really sloppily edited cut) that, “They now endure the taunt of slut.” Some pointers if you want to avoid “the taunt of slut”? Don’t tempt your date and also never date “outside God’s family.” Maybe there was a better metaphor you could’ve gone with, there?