Like a Decrepit Orange Phoenix, Trump Approval Rating Rises 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Forty-two percent of Americans approve of Trump, up seven points since February for no discernible reason. That is… a lot… of people! God bless America! [CNN]
• And so it continues: in an amendment to her ongoing lawsuit against Trump, Stormy Daniels has sued Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen for defamation. Daniels alleges that Cohen defamed her by suggesting that she lied about sleeping with Trump. [The Hill]
• In a rare overture to U.S. allies, Trump joined other Western countries and expelled 60 Russians from the U.S. in response to the recent nerve gas attack in the UK against a former Russian spy and his daughter. [New York Times]
• New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s reelection campaign is off to a beautiful start, why do you ask? [New York Post]
• Mitch McConnell is introducing a bill that would relax outdated regulations on the hemp industry, which, while not necessarily a bad idea, is certainly quite far down the list of laws Americans are currently on the streets demanding, isn’t it? Anyway, congratulations to my childhood friend Evan, whose bill “Legalize Hemp” was brutally stalled by a fearmongering 13-year-old during the Kentucky Youth Assembly conference of 2003. [Politico]
• Today in News That Won’t Surprise You in the Least, Ryan Zinke reportedly told Interior employees that diversity isn’t important. [CNN]
• Also in that category, Trump just got hit with 30 new ethics complaints. [NBC]

Here are some tweets the President was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.