Last night, Republican presidential hopefuls got the band back together again for another debate reunion tour, and like most bands whose best albums are behind them, the old familiar songs just didn’t sound the same. Chords were off. Rick Perry forgot the words. Mitt Romney experienced a hair gel malfunction unbefitting of a lead guitarist. And Herman Cain slipped and fell on a pair of panties a fan threw onto the stage. Let’s take a look at the moments that will lend themselves best to tragic voiced over segments on future episodes of Behind the Music.
Herman Cain has refrained from sexually harassing literally thousands of women.
Even though everyone expected the topic of Cain’s errant game slinging to come up, the audience still groaned as though they were told their teenage daughter was pregnant when moderator Maria Bartiromo asked him about it. Cain helpfully responded that 99% of Americans have never been sexually harassed by Herman Cain.
For every person who’d come forward with a false accusation,there are thousands who will say ‘I never saw that from Herman Cain.’
Now, who can argue with that?
Will Michele Bachmann allow Americans to pay their taxes in cheeseburgers?
The idea of taxing the poor got big applause from the crowd at the debate last night. Bachmann doubled down on her stance that every person should pay some taxes, even very poor people or very old people, or, I’m assuming, zygotes. She suggested that poor people can probably afford to pay $10 per year— that’s like 2 Happy Meals’ worth! Even babies can afford to pay their taxes in Happy Meals.
Princess Pelosi is a hilarious thing that we are calling the first Female Speaker of the House.
Herman Cain, that old scamp, got some big laughs when he referred to Nancy Pelosi as “princess,” which is hysterical because — women! They’re terrible!