It all comes down to this. Drugs vs. Alcohol. Caffeine vs. Champagne. Whereas all men must die, one March Madness competitor can live forever as the God of Inebriation. Your vote decides which will be remembered (and forgotten) as the substance that tried and failed and which will achieve immortality in our hearts and minds as the true Queen of getting you fucked up. Let the finals commence.
Yesterday’s trials led to two of the saddest goodbyes of the entire competition with Caffeine defeating Weed and Champagne defeating Vodka. I don’t know what this proves other than the fact that you voters are some very #basicbitches. (Sorry. I love my coffee and champers, too, so who knows — I’m probably just bitter about Vodka Tampons being knocked out of the running so early in the game.)