Places to Introduce Your Parents to Your Partner’s Parents, Rated

Romantic partnerships are a framework within which you have to make increasingly stressful decisions with another person: buying a car, planning a wedding, having children, opening a credit card, etc. To soften the edges, of course, you get fun sex and splitting food. But one of the more stressful decisions you and your partner can make is if and/or when your parents will meet. There’s a whole focking movie about it!

There are many things to consider when introducing the two parties. Where do they fall politically with respect to one another—is that a topic to bond them or guarantee they will be sat at separate tables at future weddings? How amenable are they to meeting new people, generally? And perhaps most importantly: What do you and your partner want from the encounter? Life long in-law besties or simple acknowledgement by all parties that the others exist?

There are plenty of good reasons for parents to meet and about a million more for them to not. But if you decide that the people who are responsible for your attachment styles should spend time with one another and are worried about what on earth they’ll do—besides talk about their unequivocal obsession with you and your partner—I’ve assembled a list. Go forth, good luck, etc.

Pros: Everyone has to eat—what a beautiful feature your in-laws and parents can bond over! Most also people understand the cadence of dining out and won’t be caught by surprise. Just don’t go to a gimmicky restaurant that like throws cubes of pork at your future in-laws; that’s too much excitement for one night.

Potential con: If you have a picky parent (or one who always sends their dish back), this will be stressful!

Perfect for: Foodies (duh), but also keeping your folks on their best behavior.

Pro: So many opportunities to say “I could paint that!”

Con: So many opportunities to say “I could paint that!”

Perfect for: The culturally curious custodians.

Pros: The perfect combination of something you’re able to watch and talk through. A great opportunity for a sports fanatic parent to explain the rules of the game or obscure history. Can also be optimal for swapping stories about your and your partner’s athletic achievements (and failings.)

Potential cons: A team will lose (unless it’s soccer). What if one parent is a diehard fan and this makes them spiral? Bad news. Also, sporting events can be really long.

Perfect for: Easy-going parents—or the ones that are only interested in Boston sports teams.

Pros: Everyone will be concentrating on not twisting their ankle and saying things like, “It feels so nice to spend time outside.” Also: endorphins.

Potential cons: Bees, bears, sunburn, poison ivy, dehydration—all the risks that come with regular hiking plus the increased pressure of making sure your dad doesn’t ask, “Why everyone is so woke these days?” No easy escape in case things sour.

Perfect for: Parents that are into showing off their gear, and tiring them out before they say anything too controversial.

Pro: Your own home is as controlled of an environment as it gets. You can always retreat into your own room and scream into a pillow if need be.

Potential con: There’s a high chance that a redecorating suggestion battle breaks out or someone asks why there aren’t more family photos around the house.

Perfect for: People with uncritical parents.

Pros: Who doesn’t like to look at flowers?! What a politically neutral and pleasant setting to introduce your parents in. You can point out weirdly named cacti and daydream about one day not killing every plant you touch, while the parents can compare their absolutely perfect gardens.

Potential cons: Depending on the ecosystem you’re in, this can be very sunny and hot. And if there’s one thing I know about moms, it’s that they’re going to complain about direct sunlight.

Perfect for: Quasi-outdoorsy parents who are also borderline nerdy.

Pros: Drinking! Fun! (I don’t think actually drink but I am aware of the joy it brings many people.) Great opportunity for someone to share their knowledge of craft brews.

Potential cons: Obviously this has high potential for someone to get over-served and start asking where everyone was on January 6. Though, of course, if one of your parents was part of January 6th they should be in PRISON and not enjoying an IPA!!! Just kidding, probably not prison, but like, they should be stewing in shame. Another con: Could be very loud. (Why are breweries so loud?)

Perfect for: Party parents.

Pro: I suppose if you’re very confident your parents will be the best of buds then go ahead and spend extended time with whole gang in an AirBnB.

Con: No high stakes introduction should involve the parties seeing what the other wears as pajamas. Way too vulnerable.

Perfect for: Insane people.

Pros: This is my personal favorite option. Walking through an old-ass estate and getting to say things like, “I can’t believe people used to be so small,” or “I’d love a fireplace in my bedroom,” is the perfect level of intimacy I want to take on with a new person. Each room is a new opportunity to change the conversation, too. “Oo, look! A pantry kitchen!”

Potential cons: I’d say roughly two-thirds of historic home tours come with the risk of a guide downplaying the role of slavery (the chances increase the further south you go). Are you prepared to discuss slavery the first time your parents meet? I’ll assume everyone is on the same side but still.

Perfect for: Everyone who agrees slavery was bad.

Pro: Perfect if you want to avoid the parties talking to one another for too long. They can feel like they are bonding without the pressure of asking questions like, “Where did you grow up?”

Potential con: I don’t see many downsides to a movie but you do risk one parent wondering why trailers are so loud these days.

Perfect for: Parents with nothing to talk about with one another.