Please Toss Us In the Air, Iman Shumpert

Because the programming gods at ABC are generous and kind, and also because people love this show where famous people dance, Jezebel’s rigorous Cody Rigsby-Watch continues apace. Tuesday night was villains night at ye olde ballroom and the C-listers absolutely ate that shit up. Nothing like a complex love-to-hate character assignment to really get the juices flowing.

This week was loaded with two entire dances, so it was also the season’s first double elimination, and thankfully Matt James and Brian Austin Green were banished from the magic kingdom for their inability to move their hips or shoulders rhythmically. Bring out the sexy villains!

Jimmie Allen Is a Good Sport

Megan: Learning more and more about Jimmie Allen as a person through the medium of dance is an enjoyable exercise that I recommend to everyone. He’s a delight? He’s got great energy, and now that I’ve seen him do this jazzy little number dressed as Captain Hook, I now see the relationship between Tinkerbell and ol’ Cappy in a new light. 8/10.

Shannon: The best part of this dance is the fact that Jimmie Allen’s wife was going into labor as he was prancing about with a hook for a hand. He probably was just pushing through so he could leave and get to her. But even with all that going on, this whole thing slapped pretty hard. 7/10

Cody Rigsby

Megan: If being a Peloton-man doesn’t work out for Cody, he’s got a great career ahead of him as a professional Gaston. He’s got the “swag” (I’m sorry), and also, sort of looks like Gaston, in that any white man in a big pompadour wig does. One note: why wasn’t Cheryl Burke dressed as LeFou? 9/10, with one point subtracted for LeFou erasure.

Shannon: Gaston being gay is clearly canon, which is why he was an older unmarried Frenchman in a small French town where marriage seemed super important. So, I agree that the lack of LeFou is worth removing a point. The dance itself was also a little clunky and while Cody’s entrance was cute, it wasn’t doing anything for me. 6/10

JoJo Siwa Keeps Doing It

Megan: Who knew that all it took was JoJo Siwa to convince me that a paso doble is not boring? (I did, a little.) 10/10

Shannon: This was yet another performance that suffered because of poor camera blocking. I really need the professionals directing this show to step up their game for Miss JoJo. I did not love this for her. She had all of the power in her movements, but the cleanliness and crispness were watered down a bit possibly in favor of trying to be more in character? Not sure, but this wasn’t her week. 7/10

Kenya Moore Manages to Surprise!

Megan: My understanding of the Viennese Waltz is not really clear after watching this performance, and I imagine this will be a large part of my journey with this program moving forward. However, Kenya possesses a natural sultriness that I wasn’t expecting, and Ariana Grande brought it out, as she does for many. Good work, Kenya. I mean that. 8/10

Shannon: There was no waltz in this Viennese Waltz but it was a really cute performance and probably one of Kenya’s strongest showings. There’s still a wall she’s gotta push through to really get those scores she wants. 7/10

Make Melora Hardin Play the Mother in a Live-Action Remake of

Megan: I know it’s not called Acting With the Stars, because that is basically what many of the stars in question do in their professional life, but letting Melora Hardin do her theatre-kid best with this jazzy number was a strong choice. Also—nary a sickled foot to be seen! Point that jazz shoe! Long lines! I liked it, but didn’t love it. 8/10

Shannon: The singing voice that we heard during this performance was actually Melora’s which is probably the most interesting thing about this dance — which I found incredibly dull! Judge Len Goodman actually gave this the first 10 of the season and I’m curious if we saw two different performances or if Len picked up the wrong paddle and just went with it. 7/10

Shannon: THE LIFTS! THE FACE! I don’t even know if this meets all of the requirements for an Argentine tango and this one time I don’t care at all because THE LIFTS! 9/10

Megan: Iman Shumpert can lift me all he wants, and I would not be scared of him dropping me because he is a big strong man, as evidenced by the way he is heaving his partner aloft as if she were a reusable grocery bag with just a single orange and a bunch of kale contained within. 10/10