A faith-based relationship coach has decided that what the Bible needs is more hair extensions, and thus has created a DVD called The Real Housewives of the Bible as a way for modern women to connect with the lessons of their Biblical counterparts. In about 10 years this will be absolute hipster gold.
Ty Adams is a Detroit-based and self-proclaimed “sexpert” whose body of work includes Single, Saved, and Having Sex, a guidebook for people who really like it when God watches them when the do it. Says Adams of her new Housewives project,
Women are emotional creatures and we’re always up and down in volatile relationships and you will see a vast amount of that inside the Bible.
Apparently this is somehow going to teach women how to be better wives and stuff, and how we can overcome being so emotional. (I don’t mean to spoil it for everyone, but I have a feeling that the DVD prescribed solution will be “more Jesus.”)
The medium of video is a good way to reach out to the modern directionless person- the Bible is, after all, a book, and people, especially directionless ones, hate reading. This DVD will help overcome that inasmuch as it is something you can watch while sitting, and also inasmuch as it probably skips over the parts of the Bible where harlots are stoned and men sell their daughters into slavery and their wives are turned into pillars of salt..
In addition to Biblical lessons, the DVD will contain quality of acting not seen since Unsolved Mysteries reenactments and those scenes from infomercials when a woman at the end of her rope just cannot go on living in a world that also contains her stymieing blender (The spattering! The headache of cleaning the blades! And it can’t even chop all the ice.)
The Real Housewives of the Bible Hope to Relate to Modern Women [Fox]
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Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
