Republicans Are Mad Teen Pregnancies Are Down

On Thursday, the CDC published a report revealing the U.S. birth rate is at a record low, largely driven by a 7% drop in the teen birth rate. So, fewer teens are pregnant than ever before. You would think this would be good news, right? Wrong!

Fox News called the study “alarming,” and podcaster/nobody Katie Miller is crying “crisis.” Wow. It’s almost like all those years of peddling  “abstinence only” sex education weren’t actually about lowering teen pregnancies. 

On Fox News’s America’s Newsroom, medical analyst Marc Siegel said: “We still have 3.6 million births a year, but the problem is teens and young adults. From ages 15-19, the fertility rate is down 7%, and it’s down 70% over the last two decades, meaning we’re telling people who are young not to have babies.” 

Fox host complains about low teen pregnancy rates:

“The problem is teens and young adults. From ages 15-19, the fertility rate is down 7%” pic.twitter.com/YlxCoyZxlx

— FactPost (@factpostnews) April 10, 2026

So how is this a “problem,” exactly? Because of the replacement rate. To maintain a stable population, the average couple must have two children, but according to the new report, the replacement rate is down to 1.56. Good heavens! 

And of course, Miller weighed on Twitter, writing, “It’s a crisis fueled by delayed motherhood, toxic career-first culture, and the lie pushed by Legacy Media and feminists that kids are a burden.” She is literally pissed that teens aren’t pregnant! Weirdos. 

Siegel also discussed how advancements in technology allow more women to wait until they are older to conceive, but “of course, I want to add to that some downsides.” He cited higher obesity rates, polycystic ovaries, and endometriosis, as well as exposure to ultra-processed foods(?), as possible complications that can occur when getting pregnant any time later than your high school graduation. 

Interestingly, there was zero acknowledgment of the increasingly restrictive laws governing women’s bodies, which I’m sure is not lost on anyone with a uterus. Oh yeah, and the current administration doesn’t have time for Medicaid or day care. But why, oh why are the young women not having babies???? By the time the conservatives solve this mystery, the teens will be collecting Social Security, that is, unless Trump fucks that up too. 

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