RFK Jr. and Cheryl Hines Sold Chelsea Handler a ‘Toxic’ Mansion

I know that when you read “toxic mansion,” your first thought is probably Real Housewives or The Bachelorette, but this Bentwood mansion is toxic in a whole new and exciting way… It’s unsuitable for human life! Even better (meaning worse), it was previously owned and inhabited by our very own Health and Human Services Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Chelsea Handler recently revealed on her podcast, Dear Chelsea, that the Bentwood mansion she purchased from RFK Jr. and Cheryl Hines in 2021 was deemed “the most toxic environment” by a home inspector, and that multiple people told her the home was “cursed.” She didn’t elaborate on how exactly the home was cursed, but I can only assume that an overly tanned ghost haunts the infinity pool…

“I’m not exaggerating any of this,” she said. “It was a disaster, and I didn’t know it going in because everything was, you know, under wraps.” After the purchase, Handler was told that the 1937 property had a crumbling foundation, which had been missed during the initial inspection, and that the home wouldn’t be livable for at least two years. She bought the house over five years ago, and she still has not lived in it. Fair!

 

During that initial inspection, Handler also learned about a “little outdoor storage unit” in the back of the property that she was told was illegal and had to be removed. She didn’t divulge the contents of the mystery storage unit, but because it’s RFK Jr., I’m betting on a meat chest or black market tanning bed, either way, probably mold-infested. 

 

“That’s how fucked up this house was, the idea that this guy is in charge of the health of our country when he didn’t even have a proper foundation at his house,” said Handler. True, but what if, and hear me out, RFK Jr. is less of a MAHA wellness bro and more of a bro undone by the mysterious chemicals of his own home?

 

It’s all leading into my new BREAKING/EXCLUSIVE/DEVELOPING theory about how RFK Jr, has been green goblin’ed a la Willem Dafoe in Sam Raimi’s seminal work, Spider-Man, but instead of hearing voices telling him to destroy Spider-Man, he hears whispers from the black mold in the walls telling him to eat liver, spread measles, and endorse poisonous chemicals. Which is also maybe what happened to J.K. Rowling. 

 

To top it all off, after the purchase was complete, the couple moved into a house down the street and left Handler a note that said, “Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you, Chelsea.” Now that’s some supervillain shit. 

“I’m like, ‘Yeah, how about a fuckinging foundation?’ ” Hander said. “That’s something you could do for me. Anyway, I’m not angry about it or anything. I’m totally over it.”

If I were Chelsea, I would just make sure to get the place checked for brainworms before moving in.

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