Taylor Swift's New Song Provides Plenty of Dull Details About Rumored Boyfriend Joe Alwyn
CelebritiesDirt BagTaylor Swift has released a new song from her forthcoming album Reputation, and it suggests she has already moved past the whole embrace the snake/“the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now because she’s dead” thing she began with “Look What You Made Me Do.” It’s called “Call It What You Want,” and I’m here to call it dull as dirt.
The song is reportedly about Swift’s rumored boyfriend Joe Alwyn. If you don’t know who Joe Alwyn is, that’s fine. His is among the most forgettable faces in Hollywood (dude starred in that Ang Lee flop Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk), but Swift says that allergy to memorability is one of the reasons she is so into him.
“My baby’s fly like a jet stream,” she sings. “High above the whole scene.” There’s a wee bit of a disconnect in saying someone’s ~~above the whole scene~~ when that particular someone has chosen one of the most famous, scene-dominating people on the planet as their partner, but oh well!
Here are some more details we’ve learned about the elusive Alwyn:
Joe Alwyn works out.
Relevant lyric: “My baby’s fit like a daydream.”
So are all her other boyfriends.
Joe Alwyn loves Taylor Swift as much as he’d love an iPhone X.
Relevant lyric: “He loves me like I’m brand new.
Despite her cooing delivery, this means absolutely nothing. It suggests that Swift could not think of a better way to describe their romance.
Joe Alwyn can build a fire.
Relevant lyric: “He built a fire just to keep me warm.”