What Are You Doing With That Guy, Beyoncé?
EntertainmentBecause Beyoncé’s every public move is curated down to the millisecond not visible by the mortal human’s eye, her two most recent releases have been baffling in their mediocrity. Last month, she and Eminem revealed the rather bland collaboration “Walk On Water,” a rap piano ballad without beats (???) that sounds tailored for the trailer some kind of earnest December period film. It’s Oscarbait chic and it seems to be flopping—in its second week on the Billboard Hot 100, it tumbled from No. 14 to No. 55.
And now today arrives a version of Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” featuring Bey. “Perfect” is a diabolical scheme of a song clearly intended to ensure Sheeran is played multiple times at every white people wedding until the earth warms over and we all die of thirst. Don’t let this song’s gooeyness throw you off; this is straight up craven. It’s a way for Sheeran to inextricably bind himself to the memories of as many unassuming people as possible.