White House Lawn Now Features Top Secret Gaping Hole

By Margaret Hartmann | October 18, 2011 | 3:20pm

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For the past 17 months a giant hole has been dug in front of the White House, leaving the pipes below the Oval Office exposed. It’s one of Michelle’s damn nutrition-police gardens gone awry, isn’t it? Er, no. Government agencies insist they’re just updating the building’s air-conditioning and electrical systems, which for some reason necessitates tight-lipped construction workers filing in and out of the hole, and lowering huge concrete blocks several stories underground. But that’s just how they do heating and cooling in D.C.! Or is it?

“It is security-related construction,” said [an anonymous] official, who was not authorized to speak publicly about the project. “Even we don’t know exactly what.”

But air conditioning and security aren’t mutually exclusive, right? Right. And it’s probably worth mentioning that funds for the construction were allocated after 9/11, the day that changed air conditioning forever.