All Anybody Did This Winter Was Fuck and Eat


It’s time we admitted something: In the vast swaths of the country where it remained bitterly cold all winter, all anybody did was chow down and screw around, with perhaps the occasional binge-watching break. The evidence: babies. Lots and lots of babies.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that local hospitals West Penn and Forbes Regional are seeing greater-than-average birthrates for the summer, to the tune of 27.8 percent and 15.9 percent. Doctors are outright blaming the polar vortex:

“With the polar vortex, people were staying in; it was too cold to go anywhere or do anything, so you stay in and keep yourselves busy. It’s hibernation, and it’s partly entertainment,” said David Logan, an obstetrician/gynecologist with the Allegheny Health Network and director of obstetrics at Jefferson Regional Medical Center, Jefferson Hills. “If you can’t get out, maybe you can’t go get the form of contraception you normally use.”

Dr. Logan also offered up the example of the New York blackout: “People wanted to stay inside at night, be close with their partners, and nine months later there was a spike in birth rate,” and said even a normal winter inspires increased baby-making: “People aren’t in the mood to do anything but be together inside.”

This is actually the second boredom-induced baby-boom story of the month—D.C. is also experiencing an uptick hard on the heels of the government shutdown. Clearly, lots of folks just settled in around October and figured hey, it’s not like we’re going to risk frostbite to catch whatever’s in theaters in January—now’s a great time to get pregnant!

Those of us who weren’t in the market for near-term offspring just consumed buckets and buckets of caramel popcorn. And pizza. And oatmeal. And then some more caramel popcorn.

Photo via K3S/Shutterstock.

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