—and he claims that the opening line, “The woman wondered what she got herself into?” “stopped him in his tracks.” Duncan, man, do I have some AO3 posts you oughta read. Carrie invites him to the karaoke party, and he surprisingly agrees, saying he loves karaoke.
Charlotte catches Harry at Bergdorf’s with another woman. Gasp! By another woman, I mean a personal shopper, Bonnie, who has done a seemingly wonderful job picking out gifts for Charlotte over these years. What’s more upsetting to Charlotte, though, is that Harry told Bonnie he has cancer. Spreading his business all around town!? L’horreur! Other than that, she is trying to convince her ungrateful children to come to her birthday party.
Anthony’s horny bakery is somehow still in business, and this week he’s serving its most discerning customer—Giuseppe’s mother, Gianna, played by Patti LuPone. A little about Gianna: She is a psychoanalyst, was formerly in a potentially problematic age gap relationship with Giuseppe’s father, and is originally from Buffalo, though she currently lives in Italy and does have an Italian accent. She does not like Anthony. She does like Carrie, and the two of them go out to lunch and discuss age gap relationships.
Speaking of…Seema’s flirtation with Adam, Carrie’s hot gardener, is certainly blooming. This is the only titillating romance this entire season, and I am here for it! As Seema adjusts to the lifestyle changes (read: downgrades) that comes from being your own boss, she’s experimenting with lowering her dating standards (read: possibly fucking hot handyman?) and it’s fantastic. More on this in a second.
Let’s pop back over to karaoke. When Miranda announced to Carrie that she’d be bringing the karaoke machine to the party, I naively got excited and hoped we’d get a reprise to perhaps the only good part of Sex And The City 2, when the gals belt out “I Am Woman” at a club in Abu Dhabi. Of course, I’ll just cut to the chase; none of the main characters sing. Miranda almost starts singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” but no one will join in with her. Carrie and Charlotte refuse to sing; Seema does not sing; and Lisa does not sing. God forbid anyone be a little bit goofy and have fun with a karaoke ballad. Lisa’s son, Henry, however, absolutely slays three show tunes in a row: “I Dreamed a Dream,” “Hopelessly Devoted to You,” and “Copacabana.” But instead of being normal and appreciating Henry for both kicking off the karaoke and delivering a killer performance, all the adults sort of groan and side-eye him. It is absolutely wack.
In fact, throughout the night, the people actually having fun at a karaoke party are constantly met with eye rolls and pity. Anthony looks like he’s going to vomit when Miranda very briefly tries to sing while Lisa jokes that she’s going to have to send out apology notes to everyone because of her son. It is firmly and disgustingly against the spirit of karaoke. At one point, Bitsy von Muffling tries to duet with Giuseppe, and you’d think she was reading him his last rites. Duncan, watching from the crowd, tells Carrie that Bitsy’s performance made him change his mind about karaoke. Patti LuPone is also at this party, and she does not pick up the microphone. (Thank god Bonnie Milligan as Lela belted as she ought to.)
Just as I was about to throw my laptop out the window Lexi-Featherston-style in rage at the plot decision to have a karaoke party where everyone is too fucking “cool” to sing karaoke, someone saves the episode and picks up the microphone. Hot Gardener Adam serenades Seema, who is currently wearing a Louis Vuitton eye patch because she has an eye infection, with the song “Bette Davis Eyes.” (JoJo Siwa found DEAD!) And guess what? It’s hot. And it made me feel something. And it clearly made Seema feel something because cut to Adam and Seema making out in the back of a New York Fucking City Taxi Cab because this is a show about sex and the city and that is why I watch it, hoping for a scene like this. And thank fucking god we finally got it.
After the party, back in Carrie’s kitchen, Miranda playfully chides her about her connection with Duncan. This is a perfectly normal thing for a best friend to do. But Carrie responds in such a defensive and, I’ll say it, demonic way, you’d think Miranda was sentencing her to life in a karaoke room. How dare Miranda suggest Carrie might be unfaithful to Aidan? Doesn’t matter that just last episode Carrie herself sort of danced around the terms of their monogamy. Doesn’t matter that Aidan himself admitted to sleeping with his ex-wife. Doesn’t matter that Aidan sucks as a boyfriend and Duncan is not only hot and loves her writing, but lives downstairs and not in Norfolk.
How does one solve a problem like Carrie? She won’t sing karaoke. She won’t break up with her long-distance, low-commitment, casual boyfriend. And she can’t even be grateful to have a friend finally try to be honest with her about how shitty her relationship seems, even when that concern is cloaked in a kind acknowledgement of her connection with a new hunk? Well, at least Seema had fun. May Lexi Featherston’s lifework live on through her.
