Amanda Seyfried Can't Fall in Love Unless Her Vagina Feels Sparks

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Amanda Seyfried is spreadin’ gospel about the way (some) people’s vaginas and hearts fall in love, e.g. no matter what Hollywood rom-coms say, the My Best Friend’s Wedding theorem doesn’t generally play out in real life.

In the August issue of Elle, she informs us: “Everybody I’ve dated I’ve been sexually attracted to immediately. Sparks don’t grow — your vagina doesn’t become more inclined to wanting someone just because you’re around them.” Exceptions to this, sure. But for the most part, listen to the lady, Ed Sheeran.

And on her ex-boyfriend Dominic Cooper: “We love each other… He’ll always be in my life regardless of what his girlfriends or future wife think. And I would never date a guy not okay with our relationship.” You know what they say, the people who do horrible ABBA movies together stay together. [Elle, NYDN]

Distressed Suri Cruise told a crowd of paparazzi surrounding her and mom Katie Holmes’ car to go away and let them get in, and as they departed one of the cameramen called her a “brat” and a “bitch,” because the world makes sense. She’s SEVEN, mind.

As Cruise is getting into the vehicle, an off-camera voice can be heard yelling, “Bye, Suri, you little brat!”
A second man is heard reprimanding the first man and defending Cruise, at which point the original guy calls Cruise a “b*tch.”

Good job, everyone. [Gossip Cop]

Part of the reason that Leah Remini left Scientology was that they began interrogating her repeatedly (in song, by Beck) after she started poking around about the whereabouts of Church leader David Miscavige’s wife Shelly — who has not been seen in public since 2006 — and eventually threatened to call the cops. Pretty audacious, even for the sassy Rego Park wife of UPS driver Kevin James. She also thanks us for our support while she breaks from the Church. Welcome back to Earth, Leah Remini!

Also, time is a piece of wax falling on a termite that’s choking on the splinters and everything, but 2006 was a long time ago, so where the fuck is Shelly Miscavige? [Page Six, People]

One Direction tofu nugget Harry Styles puked onstage in Pittsburgh and now 14-year-old Pennsylvania native Talia Greeble is wearing some of it in a vial around her neck. [E!]

  • Justin Bieber will not “turn his back” on “Lil Twist and Za.” TMZ is speaking in tongues now. The power of Christ compels you. [TMZ]
  • Demi Moore went to a tantric yoga festival where everybody wore white in New Mexico and also: hot teen aliens. [TMZ]
  • What is this. Corey Feldman music video? Something? [Fishwrapper]
  • Chris Brown took down his graffiti. [TMZ]
  • Paris Hilton got a speeding ticket. [TMZ]
  • The Royal Family minus K8 and Wills hung out at the 60th anniversary of the Queen’s coronation. [People]
  • That was quick: Kaley Cuocco and Henry Cavill broke up, perhaps because he found out she is famous thanks to a hairball my cat coughed up called CBS’s Big Bang Theory. [People]
  • Lady Gaga walked around in a bra/was that Sue Ellen Mishke episode from Seinfeld. [NYDN]
  • And the ARTPOP single comes out August 19th, with the album/app released on November 11th. [JustJared]
  • Paula Deen fired her lawyers. [NYDN]
  • Betty White’s Off Their Rockers was cancelled. (Carving out a slice of airtime for I Know Why The Caged Bird Laughs!!!) [NYDN]
  • Tina Turner is getting married again. [Page Six]
  • Adam Sandler got a pastrami sandwich on rye. What is he, Jewish or something? [Page Six]
  • Also he almost got attacked by a cheetah on the set of Grown Ups 2. What was it, Jewish or something? [Page Six]
  • Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and North “take naps together,” a.k.a. plug themselves into an iCharger and lie down stiffly on a bed together with little battery signals flashing in their eyes. [Us Weekly]
  • Two bit players on Glee are engaged. Thou giveth fucks? [Us Weekly]
  • Kevin from the Backstreet Boys had his second kid, thus rendering the “AM I SEXUUUUAAAAAAL” line from “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” redundant. [People]
  • John Travolta glued a Keebler Elf’s merkin onto his chin. [Radar Online]
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