Attention, Ladies: You Better Shave or Really Charming Men Won't Fuck You

By Laura Beck | November 5, 2012 | 3:50pm

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Ladies, throw out your Lady Bic shavers and get ready to Yeti because it’s No Shave November! Also known as Movember, the yearly event encourages people to grow out their hair to raise awareness about prostate cancer. Did I say people? Sorry, I meant men, because you see, the no shaving part, that’s not for women, this made-up month is strictly dickly. Silly women, thinking you can not shave and still be considered a worthwhile human being, did your period make you CRAZY?

The whole backlash was started when this idiot @FillWerrell (it’s a Will Ferrell Parody account, more on this in a minute) tweeted “Girls who participate in No Shave November will also participate in No D December.”

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Uh, thank you?

I now have to breakdown all the layers of crazy in this whole thing. First off, the fuck is a WILL FERREL [sic] PARODY account? You’re just like, some idiot who pretends to be Will Ferrell? Very cool thing to do, great use of your time. The profile page reads, “The funniest account on Twitter.(I am NOT Will Ferrell! This is a parody account ~ Not in any way affiliated with the actor Will Ferrell).” THE FUNNIEST ACCOUNT ON TWITTER is a lofty claim from someone who spends most of their time and tweeting hilarious musings like, “Am I only one that thinks the front of cars look like faces?” and “It makes me sad that kids these days will not know the fun we had pulling coupons out of the grocery store dispensers.” IT’S FUNNY CAUSE IT’S TRUE. I can’t stay mad at this guy! My favorite part is that dummy registered the account without even Googling Will Ferrell’s name to see how it’s spelled, as demonstrated by the ~~extra~~ missing “l.” [Update: Ugh, sorry, was typing too fast last night, meant to say that the account was wrong with the one “l.” At least I’m not running a parody account of Will Ferrell and getting his name wrong? Huh? Eh? Fuck it.]

The most ridiculous thing about this is that the man has over 1,800,000 followers and his “no D December” got over 17,000 re-tweets. END OF DAYS, MY FRIENDS.

As the Daily Dot reports, the Tumblr backlash was fast and furious:

Yet the reaction from around the Internet to the thought of women with actual hair, facial or body, seems to be a range of disgust and indignation. The reaction has prompted some women to participate purely out of spite: “I wasn’t going to participate in no shave november,” wrote superherohunter on Tumblr, “but this morning my principal goes ‘oh and ladies we don’t encourage you to do this, just the guys.’ it’s stuff like this man :/”

That SUCKS, and then there’s this:

“Feminism can’t have this one, not everything is about people with vaginas!” wrote chunkymonkeyandme on Tumblr. “[D]o not take this prostate cancer awareness month away from men and make it about feminism and your rights not to shave!”

Because women don’t get prostate cancer they can’t advocate for awareness? I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that. Further, according to reporting in the The Daily Helmsman:

[Director of Grassroots Engagement for Movember Tom] Whitaker said that not only is participation from “Mo Bros,” or the men who participate in Movember, important, but the involvement of “Mo Sistas” is also imperative.

“Women tend to be the gateway to health. They’re normally the ones who encourage men to go to the doctor,” he said. “Movember is for everybody, not just men.”

So, if women are the impetus for men’s health, shouldn’t they be respected to get the motherfucking word out, one mustache at a time? Or they can only stand by and be like, “Look at my man grow some hair because I’m naturally hairless and couldn’t grow it if I tried and also, I fart rose petals teehee!” Fuck that, ladies, let’s burn our razors and have slumber parties where we braid each other’s arm pit hair. Or not, do whatever the fuck you want, but no matter what, let it be your own fucking decision.