Aunt Becky's Crime Visor Returns!

Aunt Becky's Crime Visor Returns!

From what I recall of my 11th grade English class, Lady Macbeth was so racked by guilt after convincing her husband to kill some dude that she eventually went mad. If I remember correctly, there’s a particularly dramatic moment where a 16-year-old high schooler dressed like Lady Macbeth wanders around stage with blood on their hands. (The blood was a metaphor, obviously.)

Anyway, Lori Loughlin was seen in West Hollywood pumping gas in what my colleague, Emily Alford, refers to as a “crime visor.” The last time the paparazzi spotted her in my grandmother’s favorite gardening accessory was in the lead-up to Felicity Huffman’s sentencing. That particular crime visor was of a much lighter hue, and her shirt, a crisp white tee, read “positivity” in the sort of font you’d find in a car wash gift shop or Lifetime movie about Christmas orphans.


Her new look is noticeably darker. With Felicity Huffman sentenced to 14 days in jail, Aunt Becky appears to have slipped into madness. Why else would she pump gas in 100-degree weather while wearing leggings and a long-sleeved turtleneck? This isn’t the Aunt Becky we knew—the sort that stayed perky at yoga class in colorful athletic wear amidst a lawsuit by the federal government. No, this new ensemble is that of a woman who saw a cohort sentenced to jail time.

This is the outfit of someone who lurks around her massive estate and delicately traces her fingers along its walls while maids and assistants cower as she passes. Of someone who whispers conversations to the friends who don’t call her anymore. Her husband, Mossimo Giannulli (of the Target Giannullis), probably shuts the guest bedroom door and cries silently while she sits in the mirror and brushes her hair a specific number of times. She’s haunted by a draft that rustles at her yoga pants, but no matter how many windows she closes, it blows from nowhere. A stray leaf drops from the tree and she mourns its passing. At night she wakes up screaming, thinking her daughters have finally called her back.

This crime visor, like the blood on Lady Macbeth hands, speaks an undeniable truth: Aunt Becky thinks she might be going to jail.

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