Birther Convention Cancelled Because Not Enough Idjits Believe the President Was Born in Kenya


It was supposed to be the biggest, most important summit of great American minds since the Constitutional Convention. It was destined to make the Royal Swedish Academy of Science’s Nobel Prize announcement look like the final day of Burning Man. But it wasn’t meant to be. The world wasn’t ready, our minds aren’t ready. But history will vindicate the wise and brave. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m speaking of the first annual convention especially for people who don’t think President Obama was born in America, tragically cancelled due to lack of interest. What is America coming to?

The “Birtherpalooza” event was to feature noteworthy cranky old guys like Pat Boone (scheduled to perform! On a rotating stage!) and rabid xenophobic Arizona Sheriff (and, uh, expert on official government documents of Hawaii, I guess) Joe Arpaio, who was to present findings from a yearlong investigation into the legitimacy of the President’s birth certificate. Also scheduled to appear is that nutcase military guy who refused to deploy to Afghanistan because he didn’t believe that Obama should legally be allowed to be President. A whole convention of living email forwards from your most unhinged distant relative. Imagine the possibilities.

Of course, you can’t cancel a gathering of paranoid conspiracy theorists without getting some pretty incredible paranoid conspiracy theories about WHO is doing the SILENCING here. Talking Points Memo found this gem on the Facebook page of a disappointed would-be attendee —

The REASON the EVENT by Sheriff Joe & his Cold Case POSSE was CANCELLED is because the Sheriff & others are TOO DUMB to SEE the MURDERS Barack Obama had his Security Adviser John Brennan commit on Obama’s Gay Lovers in Chicago.

Read it with emphasis on the words in all caps. It feels like trying to stop yourself from throwing up, or trying to talk when you’re riding a mechanical bull.

The September 22 event was scheduled to be held in Phoenix’s Celebrity Theater, which normally hosts much less controversial events. Like something called The Punanny Experience (brought to you by The Punany Poets).


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