Chris Christie Refuses to Be Ignored at Next Debate, Will 'Go Nuclear'


Chris Christie—unrequited lover of Bruce Springsteen, Governor of New Jersey, and Republican presidential candidate—has a hungry heart. Ignored during his party’s first presidential debate, he was deprived of the opportunity to tell us his dreams and aspirations. But he won’t be silenced again, oh no. Next time this bad boy is “[going] nuclear” if he’s not given his due attention.

August 31 was Christie’s third appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, during which he detailed the extent of the slight, explaining that he was ignored for 20 questions in a row during the debate:

“If I get to like 15 questions in a row—count ‘em at home—they’re gonna go ‘uh oh, he’s going to go nuclear now.’”

Totally, Christie. Love that figurative language you’re working with.

Christie’s campaign has so far been a struggle; his support base is meager in comparison to the other candidates. He currently claims only “2 percent of Republican voters,” but is nonetheless “confident he’ll be on the main stage at the Republican debate on Sept.16.” Maybe we’ll learn more about his in no way racist proposal “that the federal government track foreigners the way FedEx tracks packages.”

What was your inspiration for that little nugget of progressive brilliance, Christie? Impatient for the arrival of a new Springsteen lithograph, perhaps?

In any case, don’t worry about good old Chris. He’s born to run — on fire, even! (Last Boss reference, I promise.) As he tells Fallon, “Life is a strange, strange ride, Jimmy, and we’ll just keep riding it…I’m going to worry about myself and being me. We’ll see what happens.”

I’m down with that, Chris. There are many of us, I believe, who worry about you being you too.

Contact the author at [email protected].

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin