Commence Markle Bump Watch

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Meghan Markle, Earth’s favorite distraction from our imminent demise, is now the topic of six to eight months of rampant speculation, and as a person who’s lost all optimism for the future, I couldn’t be more thrilled! She wore a spacious coat–spacious enough to conceal a snack pack of samosas or a baby, either of which would be a perfectly credible explanation–to Princess Eugenie’s wedding yesterday and took it off only after entering the church. Internet detectives are all-hands-on-deck.

[E! News]

Testicle wizard Johnny Depp [command + F “fruit basket”] says that J.K. Rowling has reviewed the evidence of his ex Amber Heard’s allegation of domestic abuse and believes him. He tells Entertainment Weekly:

J.K. has seen the evidence and therefore knows I was falsely accused, and that’s why she has publicly supported me. She doesn’t take things lightly. She would not stand up if she didn’t know the truth. So that’s really it.

The reference of “evidence” is a little weird because at present, evidence includes: Amber Heard’s selfie with a reddened bruised eye, his managers testifying that he abused Heard, this video of Depp throwing a camera and her texts to friends. And then she made good on her promise to donate all of her $7 million divorce settlement in an effort to prove she’s not out for money.

But that’s neither here nor there to Rowling, who wrote on her site in December 2017:

[T]he agreements that have been put in place to protect the privacy of two people, both of whom have expressed a desire to get on with their lives, must be respected. Based on our understanding of the circumstances, the filmmakers and I are not only comfortable sticking with our original casting, but genuinely happy to have Johnny playing a major character in the movies.

But still no gay Dumbledore, or not really.

[Entertainment Weekly]

  • Kehlani is four months pregnant and preparing for a home birth. [Instagram]
  • Alyssa Milano, an early celebrity supporter of #MeToo and a guest of Senator Dianne Feinstein at the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings, proposes that we get behind the Equal Rights Amendment as the next step in the movement. [USA Today]
  • Amal Clooney condemns Trump’s mockery of Ford. [People]
  • Rest easy knowing that Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift still friends. [People]
  • Drake killed a Pusha-T and Kanye West diss track because he wanted to be better than that. Good for Drake. [Rolling Stone]
  • Ahhhh the uncanny valley. [The Sun]
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