Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz Have Top Secret Wedding

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Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz now have entered a bond, legal bond after secretly marrying in New York last night in true 007 fashion after secretly dating for only six months. The only way that this whole scenario could be more Bond-y is if Rachel Weisz’s name were Areola Jones or Labia DuChamp. [Extra]

  • Ever wondered what one of the discarded members of Destiny’s Child have done with themselves? Written books? Gotten their MBA’s? Learned to play the trombone? Settled down and bought a house in western Montana? Opened a summer camp for children with severe peanut allergies? Maybe, but we’re not going to read about that. Latoya Luckett‘s only accomplishment deemed newsworthy of late is that she lost a lot of weight and then was photographed looking good in a dress. Hooray for Lady Accomplishments! [HuffPo]
  • Angelina Jolie says that Brad Pitt completes her. How is it that she always seems to have time to make comments to the tabloids? Isn’t she busy with six kids and a movie career playing dangerously sexy crime fighters or crime doers? Has her isolating amount of fame made her lonely? Does she have tabloid reporters’ numbers programmed into her phone, so she can just hold down the 8 button after maybe drinking a bottle of wine and ramble on for a few minutes to a reporter, who will write down everything she says and make it a cover story? Then the next week she’s walking around and sees a newsstand and her quote’s on the cover of OK! and she turns to Brad and laughs and says, “Oh,, that’s who I called in Drunken Tabloid Roulette this week. And then they have a laugh. [Contact Music]
  • Kate Moss was denied entry to Pulp’s set at the Glastonbury Music Festival yesterday, and she was mad. I was only able to tell what, exactly, had happened to Kate through context clues in this article and by looking at the picture wherein she looked mad, as it was so burdened with British slang it was nearly indecipherable to this Yank. The article could actually have been about Kate Moss learning how to line dance. Bollocks. [Sun]
  • Elsewhere in Glastonbury, Beyonce‘s crazy stalker has been tossing some particularly colorful threats her way and thus the singer will be surrounded by a “ring of steel” and won’t have any contact with the public before her set, which is rumored to include Kanye West, Jay Z, and OMFG a Destiny’s Child reunion? Didn’t we fight a Revolutionary War to prevent these sorts of things from happening on British rather than American soil? No Destiny’s Child reunion without representation! [Contact Music]
  • Rihanna fell down went boom onstage last night. Her wig almost came off. At least she almost fell doing something sort of badass; when I fall, it’s usually due to a momentary mental blackout while doing something mundane. Like walking, or trying to sit down in my office chair. [Bossip]
  • Ne-Yo has admitted to cheating on women in the past. A musician?! Cheating on women?! Perish the thought! What a scandal! I just did a spit take with piping hot coffee. [Contact Music]
  • Gwyneth Paltrow is totally happy being a stay at home mom, says Gwyneth Paltrow. Doesn’t Gwyneth Paltrow make herself a bit of a living traveling around and promoting her various Martha-Stewart-Meets-Lindsay-Funke domestic endeavors and puzzling movies about being Country Strong? If she’s happiest when she’s just staying at home, why doesn’t she just stay at home rather than touring the country pimping her irritating projects? [Contact Music]
  • Jennifer Aniston was making eyes at her boyfriend Justin Theroux during a taping of Inside the Actors Studio, and we all know that nothing means true love like public eyefucking. [Daily Mail]
  • Rosie Huntington-Whiteley had to undergo extensive training to learn how to run in heels before starring in Transformers: Dark of the Crappy Taste of Moviegoing Audiences. The next Transformers film should star entirely CGI’ed characters. I’d be more likely to watch it if it starred the little girl from Monsters, Inc and Fake Jeff Bridges from Tron: Legacy, as Fake Jeff Bridges was the best actor in that film.[Contact Music]
  • Rumors of a hatchet burying between feuding rapresses Lil’ Kim and Nicki Minaj were put to rest via a tweet by Lil’ Kim wherein she spelled “BET” like “EBT.” [Bossip}
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