Devin Booker, Want to Be Neighbors???

The Phoenix Suns are weathering their latest playoff humiliation and their franchise star is reportedly mulling a move to the New York Knicks. A move I fully support and encourage. 

Devin Booker, Want to Be Neighbors???

On Sunday night, the Phoenix Suns weathered their latest, greatest playoff humiliation. Not only were they eliminated but they were swept from the first round perhaps because the organization invested every resource it had toward building a “super-team” around their franchise players Devin Booker, Kevin Durant, and the consistently injury-addled Bradley Beal. It’s not like the team is a stranger to uniquely degrading playoff exits—in 2022 they were blown out on their home court in a Game 7 that saw the creation of the iconic 12-second YouTube video titled, “Chris Paul hits a huge three to cut the lead down to 42.” At least this time Booker, my parasocial boyfriend, didn’t go out sad, dropping 49 points instead of just 11 in 2022’s disaster class. But being crushed as a championship-or-bust super-team that cost nearly a billion dollars and literally all the draft picks to assemble, is somehow infinitely more embarrassing.

Within minutes of the team’s defeat at around 12:30 a.m. ET, a barrage of predictable and delightfully petty media narratives were already taking hold. Many blamed the Suns’ head coach Frank Vogel and the team’s complete disregard for his authority while some divulged that Durant has been unhappy with his assigned role on the team for some time. But the one I am personally most invested in as a New York City resident is that Booker wants out and specifically wants to join the New York Knicks.

Unfortunately, since that last one comes from television personality Stephen A. Smith, whose source is often just, “Trust me, bro,” I’m forced to take the prospect of Booker coming to New York with a grain of salt. Still, I’ll say it:  Devin Booker, want to be neighbors???

I know, I know, what a cliche: Another Gen Z-er might ditch his job and move to New York City. But I understand Booker’s reasoning more than most twenty-somethings who are bored with their lives, and their tech start-up jobs, and are just desperate to move to a city notorious for being the world’s biggest adult playground. At the prime of his athletic career, why should Booker stay at an organization as severely mismanaged as his current employer? Booker’s squandering the height of his talent on transparently stupid trades under owner Matt Ishbia, whose clueless leadership has internally been equated with “looney tunes.” 

As a Devin Booker apologist (and, boy, does he need those right now!!), I maintain that Booker is a top-five player, or at least somewhere up there, and despite being swept, his near-50-point performance really only crystallizes that for me. Imagine him alongside the Knicks’ Jalen Brunson, who put up 47 points in his own playoff game against the Philadelphia 76ers on Sunday afternoon??? (Or, maybe as this current iteration of the Suns has demonstrated, super-teams don’t work and actually play horribly together? Who knows? But it also might be a lot of fun??)

As we approach the offseason—or, I guess I should say, “Now that the Suns’ offseason has officially begun!”—the rumor mill is about to churn itself into the ground…and I could not be more excited since offseason drama is my favorite kind of drama. Booker will inevitably be panned by his many haters for his “disloyalty,” “softness,” and “opportunism” if there are any more reports about his alleged desire to team up with Brunson in New York. But I repeat: Devin Booker, let’s be neighbors!!!

After the Suns’ 2022 playoff defeat, I wrote to Booker that he “shouldn’t be alone tonight.” Still true! I’m now writing to Booker to tell him to move to New York City and never have to be alone tonight ever again—as long as he’s willing to come slum it in Bushwick to be with me…

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