Editor: “Well, somehow we styled the hair the same, and they’re wearing practically the same dress — fuck, we even repeated a cover line. ‘Best Bags & Shoes.’ You always need those, right? Ha, ha!”
Editor: “Well, you know, it’s hard, coming up with new ways to photograph actresses. Who knew Peter Lindbergh and Alexi Lubomirski would have such similar approaches?”
Glenda Bailey: “That doesn’t explain the identical blue-and-white text, the pose, the cropping, the 96-point word ‘Fashion’ written in the exact same shade of blue…”
Editor: “We added ‘Spring’ to the Kidman cover. ‘Spring Fashion.'”
Glenda Bailey: “I’m aware of that.”
Editor: “It’s not like we can just put anybody on a cover. We’re limited in the actresses we can approach, who are right for our audience, who have the right kinds of projects to promote — and you know their people always need approval, and then half of them have pre-existing relationships with luxury brands that kind of tie our stylists’ hands. And of course we have to do everything we can to shoot advertisers.”
Glenda Bailey: “But. They. Look. Exactly. The. Same. People are going to see this one the newsstand and think we haven’t bothered to make a new issue.”
Editor (quietly): “That is a possibility.”
Glenda Bailey (exasperated): “Well, what can we do about this? This is unacceptable. Do we do a total re-shoot? Do we need a new art director? Should we be working with younger photographers? Who’s a stylist who can take us beyond, you know…(snaps fingers, searching for the right word)…beyond? Do we need to bring in someone to consult on a redesign? Are we over-relying on Pascal? That’s it, isn’t it — too much Pascal, giving everyone that same lit-from-within kind of face, I’ll have to have a word with him about that again…”
Editor: “Um…”
Glenda Bailey: “Give me fresh ideas. I need. Fresh. Ideas.”
Editor (meekly): “People like blue?”
Glenda Bailey: “I suppose that is true.”
Editor: “I don’t think people necessarily expect us to break the mold each month…do they?”
Glenda Bailey: “The Aniston thing, celebs interviewing celebs, that’ll get the blogs talking.”
Editor: “Yes! And if people even notice the similarity, for like a second, they’ll forget all about it. Who would think a magazine would seriously put out two covers that look so much alike…in a row? I mean, it’s ludicrous.”
Glenda Bailey: “So you vote no re-shoot, then?”
Editor (pause): “I don’t see why we need one.”
Glenda Bailey: “It is a beautiful shot of Nicole.”
Editor: “She looks radiant. Even if it is Pascal, ha ha!”
Glenda Bailey: “Fuck it. Publish the sucker. Who’s up for next month?”
Editor: “Blake Lively?”
Glenda Bailey (slightly weary): “Oh, right. That’s good for me.”
* Yes, in fact the Kate Hudson cover is from January, 2010 — not January, 2011, as originally stated. Mea culpa. But given the January, 2011, cover of Harper’s Bazaar also features a head-and-shoulders crop of an actress, Julianna Margulies, wearing a white dress, styled with her wavy hair blowing in the wind, surrounded by the cover lines “BEST BAGS & SHOES” and “Spring Fashion,” the overall point still stands.
