Everything Trump Touches Dies: USMNT Edition

Yesterday was an all-time bad vibes day in American sports history, as the circus Trump brings with him everywhere did not spare what was probably the biggest U.S. men’s World Cup game ever. After U.S. striker Folarin Balogun’s questionable red card suspension was suspended by even more questionable FIFA Calvinball logic, we spent most of a day many had waited decades for arguing over something Trump said.

I think it’s important to draw the distinction between Trump making this call (clearly happened) and FIFA making the decision only because of his pressure. I don’t think reliable reporting on the latter has emerged so far and it may not at all.

[image or embed]

— Kevin Collier (@kevincollier.bsky.social) July 6, 2026 at 10:05 AM

He heavily insinuated he was the force that got America’s best goalscorer back in the lineup, and while independent reports do confirm he made a phone call to FIFA and tried to help overturn Balogun’s suspension, quite literally the only source claiming or insinuating that Balogun played because of Trump is Trump. A lot of non-soccer knowers spent much of yesterday getting a rapid education in FIFA’s vast history of shameless corruption demonstrating it does not require a gelatinous pile of orange ooze to bribe it to do what it is designed to do, and the vibes deteriorated rapidly throughout the day as interminable circular arguments formed across the web.

world cup discourse currently

[image or embed]

— Miles Klee 🦉 (@milesklee.bsky.social) July 6, 2026 at 11:16 AM

Even the reports people are pointing to about Trump offering legal help prove that the U.S. men’s national team was already on the case trying to appeal Balogun’s suspension for the Round of 16 match, and they had some solid footing to argue it was unjust beyond the call being harsh. The review that led to Balogun’s red card in the previous game misapplied VAR protocols, slowing down the video frame by frame in violation of their own rules. I am not a soccer knower, just a lifelong soccer casual who has always been friends with real soccer knowers, but from the moment I learned that FIFA fucked up the review, I figured they would find or invent some loophole and help the host nation out like they always seem to do. The game is the game, as a wise man once said.

This doesn’t make FIFA’s inherent corruption and incoherence okay or excusable, but if there is ever a time for people to understand what us socialists mean when we say that there is no such thing as ethical consumption under capitalism, it’s while complaining about fairness to an international crime syndicate that occasionally organizes soccer matches. You are watching the FIFA World Cup. You are already in the mud, do not be surprised to see pigs rolling in it all around you. Also that red card was horseshit, and if Balogun had been given a yellow like he deserved, we could have avoided this whole mess in the first place.

But none of that nuance mattered, because Trump succeeded in doing to soccer what he has done to politics and made the run up to the game all about him. Many who spend their days decrying Trump a serial liar spent yesterday citing Trump as they claimed that Balogun should not play or we should forfeit or some other sportsball-brained take that added to the horrific vibes. I don’t quite understand what these people want U.S. fans to do after our team became the predictable beneficiaries of FIFA doing FIFA things, especially since Balogun shouldn’t have been given a red card in the first place. I agree with one of my Bluesky followers who said yesterday was the first time they ever thought the mostly bullshit concept of Trump Derangement Syndrome might actually have some validity to it, because again, I cannot repeat this enough: the only source suggesting that Balogun got back on the field because of Trump is Trump. Everyone assuming we benefited because of him is actively choosing to believe the least believable man in America showing up late to try to take credit for other people’s work yet again.

Eventually, the game mercifully kicked off in Seattle and finally–finally–sports could do their thing of being the best thing, right? This World Cup has been sublime, filled with incredible games, unbelievable skill and Cape Verde-sized Cinderella stories, so the most talented USMNT ever playing at home against a golden Belgian generation aging into retirement is the perfect time to boost the vibes and begin our own golden generation, right??? Right????

Fuck, man. What a nightmare. Poor Matt Freese.

The opening ten minutes were an unmitigated disaster. To say the USMNT came out flat is a world-historic understatement. Belgium repeatedly beat our back-line to every ball in and around the box, completely owned the midfield, successfully pressured practically every first USMNT touch, and after Charles De Ketelaere tapped in a pass watched by the entire U.S. defense to make it 1-0 Belgium nine minutes in, it felt almost lucky that the deficit was not greater. A graphic soon flashed on the screen showing something like six Belgium shot attempts to our zero plus two fouls, an accursed tl;dr of the rancid vibes Trump delivered unto this game. 

But blaming Trump for this performance is veering back towards sportsball-brained takes. I’m sure all the noise about Trump and Balogun’s suspension being suspended didn’t help, but you don’t need to venture outside sports to find an Occam’s Razor-sized explanation for why the USMNT got boat raced by a more experienced and better Belgian squad. Other than 38-year old Tim Ream, 28-year-old Antonee Robinson was the graybeard of yesterday’s starting lineup playing with the weight of the nation on their shoulders. Despite frustratingly continuing to tread water at the World Cup knockout stage every four years no matter the squad, American soccer has leveled up with players spread across major European soccer, and the folks lamenting our roster’s supposed lack of talent and big game experience are living in a different era. 

These guys have played in big pressure matches for their clubs and country before, but a home World Cup knockout match against a top ten European squad is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of magnifying glass to play under, and Belguim’s gameplan to apply heavy pressure on the ball and put even more stress on a young team to meet the moment with composure proved to be brilliant. Mexico’s youthful group couldn’t pass this tough test either against just ten Englishmen despite having the altitude and unhinged hysteria of the Azteca chanting homophobic slurs on their side. Oftentimes, the best explanation for failure in any sport is that you just lost to a better team, which is what happened to all three World Cup host nations in this tournament.

The simple fact that a lot of young guys wilted under the pressure of the biggest game they’ve ever played against a more experienced World Cup side is a far better explanation for that game than the sportsball-brained take that they played like shit because Trump said a thing. Tyler Adams even said the whole red card saga “did not affect” the USMNT. Belgium did say the Trump-involved mess provided them with some added motivation and they protested Balogun’s involvement in the game and mocked Trump after their fourth goal and in the locker room afterwards, but it’s not like it was a deciding factor. Thinking it would be is the most sportsball-brained take of all. These are the World Cup knockout rounds; you don’t need any more motivation than the fact that these games are what some of the greatest athletes alive have waited their entire lives for. This is an accursed political discussion invading the pitch, and I feel for my soccer-knowing friends that the discourse today is not about the tactics and plays that led to our great humbling in Seattle, and instead they have to deal with a sea of ‘orange man bad’ titles like mine.

Trump ruined the vibes around the game mainly because a lot of people allowed him to. There is no firm evidence that his influence was what decided Balogun’s fate, and the never-ending “it was Trump’s influence” versus “no FIFA is just like this” argument that rages on today is proof of how Trump has won a truly enduring victory over the culture. All he has to do is show up at the finish line, say something, collect his unearned trophy, and a thousand portals to discourse hell open up in America. USMNT lost yesterday for a bunch of reasons that all have to do with soccer, but it’s impossible to ignore the fact that whether it’s helping drive the USFL to bankruptcy, bragging in the 1980s that he turned down a chance to buy the $13 billion-dollar Dallas Cowboys for $50 million, the iconic photo of him watching the New York Mets lose Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS in crushing fashion, the New York Knicks losing their only 2026 NBA Finals game that he attended, or pretending to be the savior of the most important USMNT World Cup ever, every time Trump injects himself into sports, everything instantly turns to shit.