Excuse Me, Cardi B and Candace Owens Are Fighting?

By Megan Reynolds  |  March 17, 2021 | 2:10pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag
Excuse Me, Cardi B and Candace Owens Are Fighting?
Image:Kevin Winter (Getty Images)

Well, here we are, another beautiful Hump Day in America. Let me see what I have in my bag—oh, wonderful! Looks like Cardi B spent a good portion of her Tuesday evening coming for Candace Owens on Twitter after Owens ran her mouth on Fox News about how “WAP” being performed at the Grammy Awards is bad for America!

On Monday, Owens appeared on Tucker Carlson’s program to run her mouth about how “WAP” is a vulgar song that did not need to be performed at the Grammys. While Owens is correct on the first point and wrong on the second, I’d like to amend her first point by noting that the version of the song that played at the Grammys is the edited version, which is largely nonsense. Like, yes, Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi engaged in some sort-of-not-really erotic choreo, like that move near the end that looked like a WWE special, but the edited version of the song is kind of lackluster, no offense. “Bring me a bucket and a mop for this wet, wet, wet” doesn’t have the same impact. You really need the pussy to make it pop.

Anyway, everyone with sense knows that shit, but Candace Owens is being contrarian, irritating, and siding with Ben Shapiro, a man who wouldn’t know a WAP if it slapped him upside the damn head. Cardi discovered that “WAP” made it to Fox News, and expressed her excitement thusly.

Candace took this tweet as a fired shot and came for Cardi directly, tweeting that she is a “cancer cell to culture” and then doubling down, later, to issue this missive.

Blah blah blah, naked, vagina shoving, oh my GOD, woman, get a fuckin’ grip. This did not sit well with Cardi, and I truly do not have the brain to parse all of the tweets so that I might present them in any manner close to chronological, but know that there are a lot. Also know that Cardi was not interested in this slander and found this….

“WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT wow!” just about sums it up for me, too! Naturally, Candace responded with something rude about how Offset also sleeps around, and then shit just went sideways, BUT it was great publicity for Cardi’s latest single and, I guess, ugh, for Candace Owen’s forthcoming television program. Anyway, it’s a big ol’ mess that is enjoyable enough to read on your own, but I’ll just leave you with this, which I think should’ve been the final word.

“Please move, Mommy is trying to be thirsty,” writes Chrissy Teigen, as her son, Miles, winds his way through her legs. I don’t know where her top is, but that seems to be the point.

What is it about this caption and photograph that presses me so? Is it that Chrissy Teigen is always the tiniest bit thirsty to me, even when she clearly is trying not to be? Is it the zig-zag part in her hair? Do I wish to be blonde now, even though I know that I lack the patience and the financial dedication to maintain it? Could be anything, really, take your pick!