Fox News Personality Proclaims That MARRIAGE IS DEAD, OVER, KAPUT


Pour one out for the institution of marriage, folks. It had a pretty good run, but according to it’s finally kicked the bucket: “Marriage died in 2013,” melodramatically proclaims a headline on the site. Auf wiedersehen!

This conclusion comes from Dr. Keith Ablow, “a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team,” who seems to spend a lot of time worrying about the effect the gays and their supple bodies will have on society. (That is, when he isn’t diagnosing Obama’s issues with his father, mother and grandmother or trying to wrap his head around “Gangnam Style.”)

See, Dr. Ablow has yammered hatefully for a long time about how gay adoptions, gay marriage and gay gayness would lead to polygamy and plural marriage and social breakdown generally. Dogs and cats, living together. Is he the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? And with a Utah court striking down one of the state’s biggest prohibitions on polygamy, he’s taking the opportunity to screech I TOLD YOU SO:

As I predicted, this will officially make marriage the Wild West, in which groups of people can assert that they are married and should have all the benefits of that status, including family health plans and the right to file taxes as married people.

Never mind the ruling was about privacy, not simply “hey I mean the gays can, so.” If that sounds pretty much A-OK to you (oh NO! don’t let the gays and the bigamists have our family health plans and our precious tax breaks, those are for straights only), Ablow wants to know if you’ve considered INCEST?

It will also, eventually, lead to test cases in which a few unusual sisters and brothers insist that they can marry, because they are in love and promise not to procreate, but, instead, to use donor eggs or sperm. And, I predict, the courts will agree with them.

Physician, check thyself.

His conclusion: Why even bother? If anyone can get marriage then marriage means nothing and “now, it is, officially, judicially, a joke.” Clearly the state should just wash its hands of this rite now that it’s been seized by deviants of all stripes. It’s all over. The end. Let’s just light the pyre and watch it burn, weeping for the social order that was.

Hey, think my reception venue will cut me a deal if I forward ’em this?

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