Give Thanks, For Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Have Returned To Us

By Bobby Finger  |  April 22, 2015 | 12:30am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Wouldn’t you know it? Johnny Depp and Amber Heard didn’t disappear after all. They’re both alive and in love and riding in airplanes together and at least one of them is reading a book of Christopher Hitchens essays. Phew, right? That was getting scary. What if they had actually gone missing – disappeared into void, never to be seen again? Complete nothingness. No more Amber Heard and no more Johnny Depp. Would’ve been one of the great mysteries of all time had it happened. But it didn’t. Because here they both are, in Australia of all places! (Don’t you think a Christopher Nolan-directed science fiction movie about Johnny Depp and Amber Rose disappearing into thin air could be good? You don’t?)

[Dlisted]

Surprise! There are going to be more Duggars because the Duggars are infinite. 22-year-old Jessa Dugger is pregnant with her first child of ∞ and it’s due on November 1, 2015 – her wedding anniversary. (Weird.) Jessa and her husband, 19-year-old Ben Seewald, live in a “small” Arkansas home owned by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, which will probably need to be expanded to 12x its size to hold all the babies these new parents are about to unleash on TLC viewers across the country. The only chance the rest of their family has at remembering who they’re Instagramming will be for Jessa and Ben to name them all with chronological numbers.

[Daily Mail]

Bruce Jenner had to call the cops recently because paparazzi were pissing him off.

“According to insiders, the reality star spotted paparazzi using long lens cameras to attempt to take pictures inside his house — ones that would reveal his new breast implants.”

After the cops showed up, it was decided that the photographers were breaking no laws. But why do they need pictures, anyway? We’ll all know what the hell’s going on this Friday night.

[Radar Online]

  • Watch what happens when Andy Cohen reveals his summer bod! Or don’t. [Just Jared]
  • Rumer Willis is reading a book. [Daily Mail]
  • Galaxy Quest is coming to television. To infinity and beyond or whatever they say! [Deadline]
  • Renee Zelwegger called her boyfriend “very very cute” because it’s hard to say the name Doyle Bramhall II. [People]
  • Amber Rose scribbled what is probably shade on her probably fake Birkin bag. [Hollywood Life]
  • Blake Lively wore six outfits in eight hours, which is significantly fewer than I would have guessed? [Us Weekly]
  • 23-year-old Andreja Pejic is going to be the very first transgender model to be profiled in Vogue! [People]
  • Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow miiiiiiiiiiiight HU in PP2. [Hollywood Life]

Images via Getty/Instagram.

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