Another day, another mention of how staring at your smartphone is slowly withering you into an unrecognizable pile of sallow, sagging flesh. But I can assure you that “tech neck” is not the only smartphone-induced culprit of rapid aging. It’s not just the phone that’s going to send you to an early grave, but what’s in it.
In a piece over at Harper’s Bazaar, we learn that literally everyone around you staring at their phone right now at a 45-degree angle could be a “victim of a syndrome labeled tech neck.” Tech Neck is defined as the “Instagram-gazing, smartphone-induced saggy neckline that could affect us all,” which sounds particularly ominous, as if it won’t just be hard for its sufferers, but for all of mankind.
“Laxity of the neck skin—or tech neck—is actually a true phenomenon that can occur from persistent folding of the skin from repetitive motion—like looking down at your phone or laptop computer,” a real dermatologist tells author Tara Lamont-Djite.
Well I got your persistent folding that could affect us all, right here—it’s called the persistent folding of the horrible reality of life into your brain via the Internet. Besides, you can do something about tech neck (prevention, surgery, creams) but you can never unsee the horror that is the heart of darkness of the Internet. These are the real culprits of smartphone-induced rapid aging, and you grapple with them every day as they slowly wear you down into aged infirmity:
Group Texts/Chats
There’s a lot of messages in there. And there’s that thing that happens when you wake up and realize you have 157 unread messages in a group chat about whether or not anyone you know has ever puked in a bidet, and yet, you need to read them AS FAST AS POSSIBLE to make sure you are caught up/didn’t miss anything.
Scrolling Through Your Friend’s 30-pic Instagram Snow Photo Dump
Yes, it was snowing. We got it. Only now we are very very tired.
Another Study About a Thing You Are Doing Wrong
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