Hold On to Your Breakfast, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger Are Getting Hitched

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Here’s the blockbuster crossover film Hollywood couldn’t have conjured: Star-Lord teams up with Spawn of Terminator to live in love and spread the word of “faith”—for eternity! On Monday morning, Chris Pratt, 39, announced via Instagram that he and Katherine Schwarzenegger, the 29-year-old author who’s been publicly dating Star-Lord since at least July 2018, are engaged.

“Proud to live boldly in faith with you,” wrote Pratt, presumably referring to his own devoted Christianity, which he has referred to plenty of times in awards speeches and other Instagram captions. In addition to being engaged, Pratt is also currently on the “Daniel Fast,” a bible-based diet associated with evangelicals, which proves both that there is a Christian alternative to anything secular, and also that the dieting industry subsumes everything.

Katherine Schwarzenegger’s latest work is a 2017 children’s book called Maverick and Me, which is based on her own experience with dog adoption and animal rescue advocacy. I mention this because, if you recall 2016, when Pratt was still married to Anna Faris (the couple divorced in 2017), there was a whole DRAMA about the alleged abandonment of their rescue dog, which led to this Daily Mail headline:

Look, I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

Congrats to the happy couple!

[Page Six]

Katy Perry got suspended from grade school for trying to hump a tree she was pretending was Tom Cruise. Look, I just report this shit, OK? Via an Instagram story, she also got in trouble for wearing too many crop tops. The year was 1996.

I once got in trouble in fourth grade for saying “Life’s a bitch and then you die” and also bringing Prince’s Lovesexy cassette to class so a bunch of nine-year-olds could look at his naked bod, which I guess was a “problem” for my teacher and probably the school district’s legal department. I had good taste even then.

[Just Jared]

  • Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s royal baby is due around the same time as the final season of Game of Thrones. Coincidence? [People]
  • Also, they SKIPPED Kate Middleton’s birthday lunch, which is relatable. [Us Weekly]
  • Megyn Kelly’s racism earned her a $30 million exit check. Fuck this shit! [Celebitchy]
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