Hold on to Your Crumpets: Kate Middleton's Officially in Labor!

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ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF EARTH: The Palace has announced in an official statement that Kate Middleton is officially in labor. Wait. North Who?

Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge has been admitted this morning to St. Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, London in the early stages of labour. The Duchess travelled by car from Kensington Palace to the Lindo Wing at St Mary’s Hospital with The Duke of Cambridge.

She was admitted to St. Mary’s “without fanfare or a police escort” at around 6 AM this morning, around the same time you stopped getting acid reflux from the burrito you had last night, and is “progressing normally.”

Sadly/hilariously, the diligent press who had been camped outside the Lindo Wing for days missed the photo op because they were sleeping: Only one dude got the shot. On the bright side, everyone can go shower and Natalie Morales can stop knitting! [The Daily Beast, People, E!]

Friends are concerned that Emma Roberts, who was just recently arrested and released on a domestic abuse charge for bloodying the nose of her boyfriend Evan Peters, has been Animorphing into a fearsome Lilo/Tara/Bynesian since she broke up with Chord Overstreet.

She’s embedded herself in L.A. nightlife and doesn’t roll with people who “keep their noses clean,” which I assume is a euphemism for people whose allergies keep them congested. You guys: Claritin! Perhaps Aunt Julia can take a break from eating frozen yogurt like a ferret and provide young Emmers some guidance. [TMZ]

Lauryn Hill has penned a letter to her fans who have supported her while she’s been in prison for tax evasion. And, uh, George Zimmerman’s about to get his gun back. Just take a second and let that marinate. The letter is lovely:

I have known since very young to look for the purpose and lesson in everything, including the trials. Although it has taken some adjustment, I cannot deny the favor I have encountered while in here, and general warm reception from a community of people who despite their circumstances, have found unique ways to make the best of them. Thank you for the letters of concern and well wishes that I receive in the mail every day. Although I may not be able to write everyone back, please know that they have been received, read, acknowledged, and appreciated.
With Love back, MLH.

[Gossip Cop]

Oh my God. It’s 9 AM, do you know where Geraldo Rivera’s pelvic bone is? I do, because he tweeted a coy lil’ selfie, mostly nude except a towel and actual, literal rose-colored glasses: “70 is the new 50 (Erica and family are going to be so pissed…but at my age…).”

Later Geraldo removed it and tweeted:

UH-greed. [Gossip Cop]

  • Drake and Breezy don’t owe a cent to the night club in which they had the Great Bottle Fight. [TMZ]
  • Former Real World castmember Puck was arrested for domestic violence (dude is a repeat offender.) [TMZ]
  • Calvin Klein’s sometimes-boyfriend Nick Gruber punched someone in the face in the Hamptons. XOXO, Gossip Crone. [Page Six]
  • Farrah Abraham has so much more money than you it’s revolting. [TMZ]
  • Chord Overstreet paid tribute to Cory Monteith at his concert. [Us Weekly]
  • To answer your question, TMZ: Anders. So glad we did this. [TMZ]
  • Howie Mandel’s daughter got married. More on this fascinating story as it develops. (I should be on The Newsroom.) [People]
  • Heidi Klum took her top off for Instagram again. [NYDN]
  • Watch a dude in the crowd understandably lose his shit when Beyoncé touches his hand during a concert. Everyone that dude now touches with that hand will be blessed with perfect health and extremely glossy, high-quality hair extensioncé. [NYDN]
  • Here is Lady Gaga topless and styled a la Lady Godiva on the cover of V Magazine. [Gossip Cop]
  • Dina Lohan can no longer call Lindsay at rehab because earlier this month she drunk-dialed her. [TMZ]
  • Miley “The World According To Ratchet” Cyrus’s parents have reconciled. [Gossip Cop]
  • Meanwhile, Miley advised Justin Bieber not to be so stupid but he hasn’t listened. And: “There is sexual tension. Justin would do anything to hook up with Miley.” Nope nope nope the world would essplode. [Oceanup]
  • Amanda Bynes riding a small bike very slowly in Tribeca.” [Page Six]
  • Kris and Brody Jenner are having some sort of problems. [Radar Online]
  • The guy from Supernatural and his wife are expecting a second baby. [Us Weekly]
  • Here is Penelope Cruz looking extremely hot and incredibly pregnant. By Jonathan Safran Foer. [Us Weekly]
  • Kelly Rowland was rescued when she became lost as sea while whale watching. [Us Weekly]
  • Bradley Cooper likes Metallica, I guess. [Page Six]
  • Over the weekend I watched Orange Is The New Black. Correctional Officer Bennett/Matt McGorry: Please date me.
  • Yeah, basically. [E!]
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