Holy Crap, This Is the Most Spectacular Mugshot Ever
Seriously, look at that goddamn mugshot. Also, in case you’re wondering whether this story gets better, this happened in Florida. Of course it gets better.
See, Gabriel Harris wasn’t arrested simply for cooking meth or anything so mundane. This is Florida, where the bar has been set so high that sort of crime would barely register a blip on the national media’s radar. No, Gabriel was arrested for the far more dastardly crime of wanting Taco Bell and possessing a bicycle. No, seriously.
On Sunday, Gabriel went to a Taco Bell in New Smyrna Beach and tried to go through the drive-thru on his bicycle. Since he arrived right at closing time, the employees refused to serve him, which is reasonable. He then refused to leave, so they ultimately called the cops (which is less reasonable; just leave him sitting at the order station all night). The cops then noticed he apparently had a brutally lethal swiss army knife hanging from his belt, and freaked out, because that seems like an eminently reasonable response given the circumstances. A man comes at you with one of those shitty, ineffective bottle openers, there’s no telling what damage he can do. If he’s Jackie Chan, anyway. Not so much if he’s anyone else.*