How to Talk About Your Travels Without Sounding Like a Dick
In Depth

Everyone should absolutely try—if they want—to get out there and see the world, broaden the mind, expand ye olde horizons. But perhaps not everyone should talk about it after the fact, particularly if you’re just going to sound like a tone-deaf tryhard who desperately wants to appear cool/affluent/worldly. Don’t do that, okay?
Let me make clear up front that I am pro-going places. So when I’m talking to someone who has traveled a lot, I want to know where they went, why they chose it, what was good or bad about it. Who knows, I might travel to that destination myself someday, so I’m interested. You would be surprised how hard it is to get people to talk about what’s good or bad about a place. Most of the time, I can’t even tell if they actually enjoyed it. That’s because most people collect passport stamps the way some people collect stamp-stamps.
I never traveled much growing up and finally got the chance to go to Europe for the first time a few months ago, but after a lifetime of listening to assholes talk about travel in the most mind-numbingly boring, bougie way, I realized that if you’re going to talk about how you went to London or Paris, there are a few key things to keep in mind so that you don’t sound like such a jerk.
Know your audience.
This is true when having literally all conversations possible, but especially true when having a conversation about travel. If you’re talking to friends who jet-set as much as you, go to town talking about how great the couples massage was or how you loved the free Veuve Cliquot upon checking in or how shitty the turn down service was. Otherwise assume that not everyone can travel as often as you do, wants to, or even cares, and work back from there.
Express an actual opinion about things you saw and did at that place.
In 99 percent of the conversations I’m forced to endure about where people traveled, I literally cannot tell if they enjoyed themselves or not. Perhaps even they are unsure, but find themselves simply recounting the data points of their travel itinerary like some kind of bougie zombie who can’t be bothered to quantify the experience, as if having gone is the only thing that counts.
Questions to consider: DID YOU LIKE IT? IF SO, WHY? WHAT WAS IT LIKE? STATE AN EXAMPLE OR TWO. When discussing any subject, you should try to do this by selecting what we might call the interesting tidbits and saving the rest for the garbage can in your mind. The one you can rifle through on our own time, but should never subject others to.
If you’re talking about a live band you saw recently, for instance, you tend to mention an actual takeaway—“I recently saw U2, and I was kind of floored to remember the number of hits they have had over their career, and the best song they played was definitely “All I Want Is You” for the sheer rawness of it”—versus, “Saw U2, we had fourth row seats!” Do you see how the former states an opinion, whereas the latter merely brags about your proximity to the artist? (PS: I didn’t really have fourth row seats.) Even if all you did in Paris was see the Eiffel Tower all lit up, you can talk about what that was like for you, if it was your first time, or if you found it hideously tacky and why. You can say pretty much anything other than a blasé recounting of how inured you were to the whole thing because you’ve seen so much and are so so jaded.
(And hey, maybe you have seen so much; maybe you are so so jaded. In that case, either refrain from talking about travel unless you’re around other jaded travel types, or explain that because you’ve been traveling for so long for whatever reason, you find it hard to be excited by the macarons in Paris, and now your thing is going to a foreign city and hiring a prostitute who doesn’t speak the language so you have to mime out sexual requests. See? Interesting. Be interesting.)
Understand that there are different types of travel.
Say the conversation at a party or gathering turns to travel and you find yourself ready to chime in about your particular journeys of late. Consider framing the conversation with a preface that explains your approach to travel, so that you’re making it clear that when you hit the road, you like to only take obscure backroads to offbeat historical treasures; or your idea of a good vacation is an all-inclusive resort at a Sandals somewhere; or that you like to really immerse yourself in a new city and hang out with the natives.