If Only Kash Patel Would Just Fly Away 

If you’ve ever stopped yourself from applying to a job that feels out of your league, take one look at Kash Patel; it might be all the inspiration you need to shoot for the stars. 

In the eleven months since the former MAGA podcaster became FBI Director, he’s managed to show everyone how to not do his job. He’s bungled various high-profile investigations (not bungling is a pretty important part of the role); fired people to allegedly cozy up to Trump’s retribution campaign (at least three individuals are suing him for this); and was caught red-handed promoting QAnon in social media posts.

Now, according to a new report from the Wall Street Journal, which obtained Patel’s flight records, the FBI director’s been using and abusing his $60 million agency jet—mostly for date nights with his girlfriend, Alexis Wilkins, a 27-year-old country singer. Since January, he’s taken nine trips to Las Vegas, Nevada (where he lived before joining the Trump administration) and seven to Nashville, where Wilkin lives. If he wanted to, he would, right?

Wrong. This might have been cute if only the trips hadn’t been government-funded and drenched in grift. During one of his recent trips—which made headlines for its sheer excess—Patel traveled to State College, Pennsylvania, to watch Wilkins perform the national anthem. He flew to Nashville, again, one day later. After the packed itinerary provoked public ire—maybe because all this happened while thousands of FBI agents worked unpaid during the government shutdown—Patel had a meltdown on Twitter, fired the FBI official in charge of overseeing the agency’s jets, and had the agency pull his jet’s records from a flight-tracking database.

In the aftermath of the wrestling match debacle, the FBI has pulled the jet Kash Patel frequently uses from flight tracking database FlightAware. pic.twitter.com/MijRZbPzQP

— Will Sommer (@willsommer) November 2, 2025

But the WSJ report reveals where he went next. That Sunday, Patel flew to Texas to visit—poetically—the Boondoggle Ranch, owned by his buddy and MAGA donor, C.R. Saulsbury Jr. He stayed there until Wednesday.

The Friday after was a particularly productive day for Patel’s incompetence, because he kicked off Halloween morning by bragging on Twitter about “thwarting” a potential terrorist attack and “arresting” multiple subjects regarding a terrorist plot in Michigan. But the posts were premature, and they alerted the suspects’ friends, who then made a quick escape from the country. (If that sounds familiar, it’s because he bungled another investigation in September when he tweet-bragged about catching Charlie Kirk’s killer while eating at an exclusive Italian restaurant in Manhattan, a full day before they caught the actual transgressor.) He then flew to Florida in the late afternoon, allegedly to see his parents, who had moved there from New York. (Makes sense! Where else could he have possibly been going?)

According to WSJ, White House officials have taken issue with Patel’s excess airtime. Speaking to the outlet, one official said the Trump administration told cabinet officials months ago to limit their travel—especially if overseas or unrelated to the president’s agenda.

Technically, Patel isn’t allowed to fly commercial and needs access to secure communications at all times. But if he needs to travel for personal reasons, he can pay the price of a standard commercial ticket… which is way cheaper than the cost of using a $60 million jet. And as bad as he is at his job, that benefit is one he’s had no shame in raiding.

Speaking to Just the News on Sunday, the FBI said Patel had fourteen “purely personal trips,” and seven “both personal and business in nature.”

If there’s one thing Patel is good at, though, it’s raising hellfire whenever he’s criticized. “Thankfully, Americans can see through WSJ hot garbage—this FBI has never been stronger,” he told the outlet in a written statement ahead of publication. And on Wednesday, Attorney General Pam Bondi, the department’s second-in-command, Todd Blanche, and Patel all denounced the WSJ story on Twitter. Bondi and Blanche both asserted that their provided statements were omitted, which more or less said “We 100% like Kash.” Patel quote-tweeted Bondi, referring again to the WSJ piece as “fake news.”

I’m not sure where Patel’s going next. If only he’d just fly away.

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