It's Hot as Fuck, So You Should Make This Ice Cream Cake
LatestIt’s too goddamned hot to do anything but cry in front of an air conditioner — hoping the cool breeze will freeze the tears to your face, creating saline icicles that will further cool you. However, if you are like me and do not have an air conditioner — not even a shitty wall unit! Please cry for me! — your only solution is to eat ice cream. Like, a lot of it. All the time. For survival.
The best way to do this is to eat an entire cake made of the stuff. Fuck an oven, this shit is heat-free in 2013. Since I’m vegan, I can’t just stick my face in a Cookie Puss* and be done with it — I have to put together my own damn cake. And you know what? Making an ice cream cake is mad fun! First, you are working with cold stuff and it’s so hot and that feels good. It also gives you an excuse to stick your head in a freezer a lot. Plus, when you’re done, you can decorate it however you see fit, and putting candy and syrup on things is one of life’s great joys. I suggest you decorate it with your own face so that you can have your friends over to eat it while it melts like the Wicked Witch of the East — so fun!
Now that it’s decided and we’re all making ice cream cakes — let’s get down to business.
First, you’re gonna need these non-delicious supplies:
- 9″ springform pan
- Food processor
- Plastic wrap
- Large Ziploc freezer bag
- Electric hand mixer
And these delicious supplies:
- 2 16-ounce boxes of Newman O’s (or equivalent Oreos, Tuxedos, Trader Joe’s O’s, what have you.)
- 2-ounces Earth Balance Coconut Spread (or butter works, but not AS delicious), melted.
- 2 cans full fat coconut milk, refrigerated overnight or put in the freezer for a few hours.
- 1 tbsp powdered cane sugar
- 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
- About 2 quarts ice cream of your choice — I used a quart of Almond Dream Vanilla mixed with three (okay, two and a half, I ate the other half) pints Coconut Bliss Salted Caramel & Chocolate (THAT STUFF IS GOOD.)
- Anything you want to decorate it with! Chocolate syrup, gum drops, jelly beans, sprinkles, nuts, hell — GO NUTS.
Now, follow these tasty steps: