Jennifer Aniston's Stripper Diet: Kale, Kale and More Kale

CelebritiesDirt Bag

“I did eat that day,” Jennfer Aniston has qualified (verbatim) about her stripper scene in upcoming movie We’re the Millers, as if consuming necessary sustenance within a 24-hour period is a magnificent, shocking truth.

In order to play a stripper who poses as Jason Sudeikis’ wife for money, a logline that makes Monsters University look like a hard-hitting documentary about college life, Aniston ate mad lawn:

“I was on a very like, you know, greens and vegetables and lean proteins and kale. When I really wanted to have a cheat day I had to have a kale chip,” she admits.

So, that. Kale chips are pretty amazing, though. [People]

As if there is not already Greek-myth-scale lore surrounding the Royal Push, it seems that Kate Middleton went for the 11 hours of her delivery without any painkillers. Shiiit. And Royal Gynecologist Marcus Setchell actually gave up drinking at least a month before the baby came, just so he would not be slizzered when the time came. I hope they both got drinks together afterwards. They earned it. [Newser]

Justin Bieber’s rep says that El Beebo was not, in fact, spitting on fans in Toronto — claiming that TMZ superimposed photos from two separate balcony occasions (who is he, Juliet Capulet?) to make it look like he was. “Justin loves his fans.”

Meanwhile, Sharon Osbourne weighed in on the rapidly-escalating enfant terrible situation:

“I feel really bad for [Justin]. There’s this little kid with a huge dream, he’s cute, girls love him, and he wants to be a mean boy, and he’s about as mean as a fuckin’ kitten, and he’s trying to act out. It’s like pissing in a bucket. It’s like, ‘Oh, we’re the bad boys!’ Fuck off! You don’t know what bad is. […] I think that he’s lost, I really do. I think he doesn’t realize he’s white and not black, that’s a huge problem.”

Yikes. I will leave that to you guys to unpack, but shitheaddery is color-blind, Sharon. [Popcrush, Us Weekly]

Kim Kardashian has graciously decided to emerge from her Calabasas fortress before appearing at Kylie Jenner’s Sweet 16 blowout in August so as not to “steal” Kylie’s thunder, which she earned by working extremely hard at absolutely nothing. Source: “Kim is just working with Kris [Jenner] to figure out the best plan of action.”

Kim and Kris have also been discussing a ratings-boosting appearance on Kris’s show, during which North West would not appear and “Kris won’t ask anything that Kim can’t make money off of in the future.” Priorities! [NYDN]

  • Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell had a baby boy. [People]
  • Lindsay Lohan’s decided to extend her rehab stay, of her own volition. (But only another 3-4 days, so she can still be on Chelsea Lately in August, where they definitely do not drink vodka out of coffee mugs on the air.) [TMZ]
  • And one of the “toxic friends” she’s cutting off after rehab is her ex, Samantha Ronson. [Radar Online]
  • Jessica Simpson’s reality competition Fashion Star has been axed by NBC. [The Cut]
  • Katy Perry announced the release date for her newest album, Prism (10/22/13) via gold-plated truck driving around L.A. [Gossip Cop]
  • Claire Danes is afraid to watch Anne Hathaway’s Homeland SNL parody because her feelings might get hurt. 🙁 But Anne sent her flowers. [NYDN]
  • Taylor Swift’s cute high-waisted bikini is apparently “the ugliest female-figure-ruining thing since your grandma hit the beach in the 1930s!” Thanks, TMZ. [TMZ]
  • Lea Michele tweeted a cute private picture of herself and Cory Monteith and thanked fans for their support. [People]
  • David Arquette teaching a table of models to “twerk” at Provocateur as Owen Wilson and Stephen Dorff looked on, laughing.” A+ [Page Six]
  • Lauren Sanchez joins The View this morning. [Page Six]
  • Chris Martin bought Apple and Moses some ice cream and it was all yellow. SORRY I HATE MYSELF [Page Six]
  • Jennifer Lopez offered to be on The Voice’s season finale, but they said no. [Page Six]
  • A lawsuit Sandra Bullock filed over toy watches that used her name has become a lawsuit AGAINST Sandra Bullock because the watches suck, or something. [TMZ]
  • Lucy Hale and Darren Criss will be hosting the Teen Choice Awards. [THR]
  • Kiefer Sutherland drank in Canada and took his shirt off. [TMZ]
  • Ruthie Camden from Seventh Heaven did a sexy shoot for Maxim. [People]
  • Bey and Jay (sans Blue Ivy) took a trip to Calabasas to meet North West. [Us Weekly]
  • This is a quiz called “Amanda Bynes or Zelda Fitzgerald?” Harder than you’d think! [NYDN]
  • Herererer are all 5 GQ UK covers of the One Direction boys. [Gossip Cop]
  • You should prob read this interview with Taryn Manning, a.k.a. the meth-mouthed religious zealot Pennsatucky from Orange is The New Black. [Vulture]
  • Go bid on Amanda Palmer’s used glass dildo if you want! K bye. [eBay]
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