Jennifer Garner, Mother of Ants

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Jennifer Garner, just barely freed of Ben Affleck, has invited several hundred less cumbersome pests into her home: a colony of ants.

People reports that Garner introduced her new eusocial insects to the world via an Instagram story on Monday. The ants appear to live in a little green farm, embossed with the silhouette of what I can only assume is a dying mill town. They will hopefully live a very nice life serving their Queen, assuming they do not intend to break free in order to escape a gang of thieving grasshoppers.

The ants replace Garner’s beloved pet chicken, Regina George, who died in March of “natural causes.” Here is a video of Regina George, may she rest peacefully in cutlet heaven:

Ants are not nearly as playful or photogenic as chickens, but if one dies, there are many left just like it, which is useful if you wish to spare yourself the suffering that comes with losing a pet, and/or being forced to reckon with one’s own mortality.

As for Affleck, he is in Hawaii, eating sushi. Everyone is doing great!


Where were you when Mary Camden went bad? (I was 9, and on my parents’ couch.) Jessica Biel, meanwhile, was a teenager itching for rebellion, though unlike the rest of us who once fit that description, instead of smoking weed in a friend’s bedroom, she was able to scandalize an entire television station.

Biel spoke to E! Online about posing “scantily clad” for a men’s magazine when she was 17, and starring in the wholesome WB show 7th Heaven. Apparently, it was a huge deal:

I certainly had to apologize to Aaron Spelling. I think my entire crew and cast were, needless to say, shocked. The worst part was I had to go back to work. The thing comes out and literally I had to go back to work that next morning. Everybody was… they didn’t know if they should look me in the eye and I was just a mess. I didn’t…you’re young. You don’t mean to hurt people. You don’t mean to do this.

Biel also reportedly “got in a lot of trouble” for cutting her hair, which violated her contract. “I had to apologize to everybody, which is sort of the theme of my experience on 7th Heaven. I was always apologizing,” she said. Note that not long before Biel started denigrating 7th Heaven’s religious values by getting a bob, her TV father, Stephen Collins, molested three children under the age of 14. though he didn’t have to apologize for any of that until much later.

[E! Online]

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