Justin Bieber's Stolen Laptop and Possible Dick Pics Confuse America

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Guys, the laptop that Justin Bieber reported stolen in Tacoma, Washington is a MacGuffin, just like the briefcase that Marcellus Wallace gives Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction. What really matters is whether the kid is fucking with us via a viral marketing stunt to promote his new single.

Days after the laptop was supposedly stolen, personal videos and photos of B33b were leaked, along with a bunch of nude photos (click through, NSFW) that may or may not be him. (Fans say no, based on their freakishly intimate knowledge of his nipples and his belly button.) When Vevo posted a video for his Nicki Minaj duet “Beauty And The Beat,” Beebs insinuated that he was behind the whole thing on Twitter: “Since I was 14 i have had a lot of things said about me, from dying, to taking hormones, to dying again, to stuff about my family,” Bieber tweeted. “To saying i had a baby with a woman i never even met. nude pics, drugs, my family, my character…but today…today i get to be in on it.”

However, his reps are still saying that his laptop was indeed stolen and a police report was filed. [E!, Fleshbot]

  • Yet another ringing endorsement for Nadya “Octomom” Suleyman: according to nannies, her older children have been physically and sexually abusing her octuplets and Suleyman’s response to the worried women was “Don’t worry about it.” [Radar Online]
  • Lindsay Lohan’s no longer banned from the Chateau Marmont, apparently. [TMZ]
  • Bachelor winner Courtney Robertson made out with Bachelorette runner-up Arie Luyendyk Jr. [TMZ]
  • K8 Middleton suspects that there’s a mole close to the family. (Also says there might be a sex tape of Kate and Prince William, but that seems utterly unrealistic.) [All Things Gossip]
  • Whoa. Want to see Mickey Rourke’s totally fucked-up face? Warning: Graphic. [Radar Online]
  • Paris Jackson’s all growed up. [NYDN]
  • Emma Watson was stalked in the woods on the set of Noah. [MTV UK]
  • “My drug days are long since passed but it’s certainly true that I could probably land in any city in any state and get you whatever you wanted … Give me 24 hours or so.” —Brad Pitt, introducing his new drug documentary. [TMZ]
  • Lea Michele helped Cory Monteith lose 20 lbs. [Entertainmentwise}
  • Oh, and she got pissed at Kate Hudson for striking up a friendship with him onset. [Examiner]
  • That time Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz rapped on Chelsea Lately. Cringe. [Us Weekly]
  • Kathy Lee Gifford dropped a puppy on Today and feels like shit about it. [People]
  • Here’s Goldie Hawn without makeup. [HuffPo]
  • Tyra Banks has sold a show called Fivehead based on her life as a gawky teen-turned-Paris model to ABC. [Page Six]
  • Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth got matching tattoos. [NYDN]
  • Rihanna tweets her November Vogue with a message: “Mama I made it! Here’s #2” [Instagram]
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