Kim Kardashian Does That Thing Where You Second-Guess Yourself & Visit Your Ex

CelebritiesDirt Bag

The latest installment in the ongoing wave of tedium that is Kim Kardashian‘s public life is actually pretty inspired. With those pesky source types saying she’s now getting cold feet about her divorce — a genius way to keep the whole saga going, exhibit A: this post – she flew out to Minnesota yesterday to see Kris Humphries and was photographed talking on the phone outside his place. She booked the flight at the last minute and the pair are said to have had a four-hour meeting with the pastor that married them. Though the same big-mouthed sources said it’s not necessarily a reconciliation, they also said it’s not entirely inaccurate to say it’s not. Then they said that Kim and Kris are still in sham love with each other and things are “up in the air.” Makes sense. [TMZ, Page Six, E!]

Real-life Reform School Girl Lindsay Lohan spent as much time in prison as LeAnn Rimes allocates for her daily sit-ups, getting the thumbs up to leave after serving a whopping four-and-a-half hours of her 30-day sentence. Poor Linds, that’s not even enough time to bond with your prison girlfriend. [TMZ]

Glutton for punishment Sarah Jessica Parker says crushing criticism can’t keep a once good thing down and encourages tabloid writers to overuse the phrases “Get the Manolos out!” and “Grab yourself a Cosmo, ladies!” with news she’s thinking about making a third Sex And The City movie. “I know what the story is. It’s a small story, but I think it should be told,”she says. “The question is, what’s the right time to tell it?” Sometime last decade, perhaps? [Huff Po]

Justin Bieber will be taking a DNA test upon his return from the Europes to break our hearts and prove he is NOT THE FATHER! of Mariah Yeater‘s kid. Then he plans to sue the shit out of her for slandering him and suggesting he has the sexual staying power of most over-excited 17-year-old boys. [TMZ]
He also came out holding hands with Selena Gomez in Belfast. Aww, cute, they’ve weathered their very first infidelity scandal. [Radar]

Kelly Osbourne has assured us that the head injury she sustained over the weekend that landed her in a Miami hospital is nothing too serious. “Long story short, I cracked my head open then kept passing out,” she Tweeted yesterday. “I have the all clear [and] my mum came to get me.” Though she doesn’t specify what caused her gaping head wound, she encouraged everyone to watch her mom on The Talk today for all of the details. That, ladies and homos, is some seriously dedicated promotion. [US]

In tonight’s episode of Lifechangers, Courtney Stodden proves to moral arbiter Dr. Drew Pinsky that she hasn’t had breast implants by getting a televised ultrasound – retroactive spoiler alert! “A knife has never touched this body,” says the 17-year-old, while perverts around the country file the footage away in their spank bank. “That’s right, the sensuous silver sliver of a sexy surgeon’s scalpel has never pounced playfully on my sweetly succulent self.” Disclaimer: the second part of that quote may or may not be imagined. [NYDN]

Fans of daddy bears everywhere, fear not! Alec Baldwin was only messing with you when he said he was married. Dating 27-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas, 53-year-old Alec – who is clearly living the dream of older Maxim readers – told Twitter follower @MackOnMyRack (I can’t even!) that he was already hitched when she proposed to him. Though he does wear her hairband on his ring finger, which is more serious than a ring-pop and means he for sure like likes her. [NYDN]

  • The Weinstein Company are continuing the press assault ahead of the release of My Week With Marilyn on the 23rd, with a clip of Michelle Williams clad in the iconic sparkling nude dress singing “Heat Wave.” We’d have preferred to see her sing “Happy Birthday”, but perhaps they’re saving something for the ticket buyers. [E!]
  • This picture of Chris Brown showing off his sizable peen in a green man costume is safe for work – just. Uploading the pic on Twitter, he even tags it with: “I don’t think I can wear this costume tonight! Gonna change!” Though he does get points for the It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia reference, does this count as indecent exposure in terms of his underage fans? [OMG]
  • The mother of Hugh Grant‘s surprise baby, Tinglan Hong, discovers the flipside to having that little financial security nugget – with ‘saucy” photos of her hitting the interwebs. [The Sun]
  • Jennifer Lopez may or may not be whooping it up in the wake of her split from Marc Anthony, happily waving to the paps when she leaves her apartment with a mystery guy. [Daily Mail]
  • Survivor‘s Ethan Zohn, who announced his Hodgkin’s lymphoma had returned last week, ran the New York Marathon yesterday. [E!]
  • In other sucky cancer news, “Moon River” singer Andy Williams has bladder cancer. [E!]
  • A random naked dude adds a bit of sparkle to the never-ending celebrity circle jerk that are the MTV Europe Music Awards and all award shows. Oh, and Lady Gaga won a whole bunch of stuff. [E!, Billboard]
  • Amy Winehouse‘s older brother gets married and wishes his sister could have been there. Sad. [The Sun]
  • It’s been revealed that the mystery lady Mel Gibson was seen slobbering on last week is Alphas star Azita Ghanizada. Making her possible walk of shame all that more shameful. Imagine waking up next to that racist, perma-tanned mess. [TMZ]
  • Following in the footsteps of Scarlett Johansson and Naomi Campbell before her, Amanda Seyfried is making a potentially ill-advised move into music and is eying a collaboration with an unspecified R&B artist. [NYDN]
  • One per center Jennifer Aniston does her bit to uphold outrageous housing prices in New York by snapping up a $9million, three-bedroom apartment. Her third multi-million dollar NYC real estate grab this year. [US]
  • Tiger Woods‘s former caddy Steve Williams came under fire for saying his new boss Adam Scott‘s win was the best of his life because he wanted to “shove it right up” Tiger’s “black asshole.” He later apologized to Tiger and anuses of color everywhere. [NYDN]
  • Former CSI cast member and crack pipe aficionado Gary Dourdan broke his ex-girlfriend’s nose and is in jail on $50K bail. [TMZ]
  • Salma Hayek says she and daughter Valentina go on regular date nights to a restaurant or the movies and that she has her on a mostly liquid diet. [People]
  • Celebrity chef and author Anthony Bourdain has no issue with people seeing naked pictures of him holidaying in 1999: “I look good! Nice tan. As I haven’t seen the photos without the star, I can only hope the water wasn’t too cold that day.” [TMZ]
  • Australian’s ABC network pulls funds from a new mini-series after discovering that Elisabeth Moss was cast in a role. I don’t really care for Mad Men, either. [Telegraph]
  • Today they attack Lindsay Lohan‘s “unflattering” chin and Uma Thurman‘s “unflattering” attire, but the jewel in the crown of the adjective-challenged Daily Fail women-hating coverage is Cyndi Lauper‘s “unflattering” stage get-up. [Daily Mail]
  • Did Rumer Willis get a shitload of tattoos or are they fakeys? You be the judge! [E!]
  • Jimmy Kimmel encourages parents across the country to engage in some mild child abuse – with hilarious results! [OMG]
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