Kristi Noem Brags in New Book About Killing ‘Worthless’ 14-Month-Old Puppy

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It’s a good thing that South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem‘s new veneers were probably free because her chances of getting picked as Donald Trump‘s running mate keep sinking lower and lower and it’d be embarrassing if she shelled out for those. First, it was reported that Trump is shying away from anti-abortion hardliners like Noem for his VP candidate because it turns out that voters like having rights. Now, Noem revealed in her own book that she shot and killed her puppy, named Cricket, because she was rowdy and not a good hunting dog. The wirehair pointer was just 14 months old.

This vile story somehow makes Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) look like a saint by comparison for tying the carrier of the family dog, Seamus, onto his car’s roof rack in 1983 for a 12-hour road trip. (Yes, Romney was mercilessly dragged for this cruelty in his 2012 presidential campaign.)

The Guardian obtained a copy of Noem’s forthcoming book, No Going Back: The Truth on What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward, and in it she admits that she shot the dog in frustration one day. Cricket apparently didn’t behave on a pheasant hunt with older dogs, as she went “out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life.” Then at a stop on the way home, Cricket escaped the truck and killed someone’s chickens and tried to bite Noem when she pulled her away.

Here’s how the Guardian describes what happened next:

Through it all, Noem says, Cricket was “the picture of pure joy”.

“I hated that dog,” Noem writes, adding that Cricket had proved herself “untrainable”, “dangerous to anyone she came in contact with” and “less than worthless … as a hunting dog”.

“At that moment,” Noem says, “I realised I had to put her down.”

Noem, who also represented her state in Congress for eight years, got her gun, then led Cricket to a gravel pit.

“It was not a pleasant job,” she writes, “but it had to be done.”

Noem claimed she included this story because she believes it illustrates her willingness to do “difficult, messy and ugly” things that need doing, while also confusingly saying, “I guess if I were a better politician I wouldn’t tell the story here.” It’s true that some people will put down injured or sick animals at home when the animal is in extreme distress and they can’t get to a vet quickly. But that’s not at all what happened here: Noem admitted that she killed a healthy puppy simply because it was unruly, rather than trying to rehome it.

The governor also admits that, right after shooting Cricket, she also killed a goat. The unnamed male goat “was ‘nasty and mean’, because it had not been castrated. Furthermore, the goat smelled ‘disgusting, musky, rancid’ and ‘loved to chase’ Noem’s children, knocking them down and ruining their clothes.” Ma’am, maybe you should have tried neutering him first to see if it changed his behavior? Unless of course, you just have an innate bloodlust.

Noem responded to the Guardian story on Twitter and doubled down about it being a “tough decision”?? She then pivoted to how her book is full of even “more real, honest, and politically INcorrect stories that’ll have the media gasping” and slapped a pre-order link. The fact that she included a screenshot of the damning headline makes me think that all current and aspiring politicians need training on the Streisand Effect.

We love animals, but tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm. Sadly, we just had to put down 3 horses a few weeks ago that had been in our family for 25 years.

If you want more real, honest, and politically INcorrect stories that’ll have the media gasping,… pic.twitter.com/bKhpUkchHV

— Kristi Noem (@KristiNoem) April 26, 2024

If Trump picks Noem for VP after all this anyway, it will likely be because his supporters love violence, and also because she has beauty queen energy.

• Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) is pro-free speech on campus, except when protestors support Palestinians. Then they belong in jail. [Washington Post/Texas Tribune]
• Spoiler presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy JR. got on the ballot in Michigan under the Natural Law Party, and it only took two votes. [New York Times]
• That same guy has apparently been making photographers sign NDAs and then treating them like shit. Shocking! [Twitter/Instagram]
• Our national nightmare is over: Expelled Congressman George Santos said he won’t run for a different seat after all. [Gothamist]
• New York will vote on an Equal Rights Amendment this fall that will protect abortion rights, and opponents are pulling out a Phyllis Schlafly-esque playbook by saying it could open the door to teens buying alcohol and children getting gender-affirming care without parental approval. [Politico]
• New Hampshire House Republicans passed a bill that undo a requirement that parents provide documentation of polio and measles vaccination before enrolling kids in child care. [Mother Jones]

This has been your weekly Barf Bag, thanks for reading!