Lindsay Lohan Takes Emergency Plea Deal: 90 Days of Rehab

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After languidly sliming her way to court, eventually, when she felt like it, like one of those magic Death Valley sliding rocks, Lindsay Lohan has pleaded no contest to charges of reckless driving and lying to the cops. Instead of facing jail time, she’ll have to complete 90 days of lockdown rehab.

After a lot of haggling in chambers with offers and counteroffers, Lindsay pled no contest to the crimes of reckless driving and lying to cops. In addition to rehab, Lindsay will perform 30 days of community labor and undergo psychotherapy for 18 months — she’ll get credit for shrink time already completed.
FYI — there’s a mandatory 5 days in jail for reckless driving, but it’s going to be folded into the lockdown rehab so she won’t be behind bars even for a day. Lindsay will be able to do her rehab in NYC. She must stay clear of drugs and drug users. She must submit to drug testing.
She’s also admitted to a probation violation in the jewelry heist case, she was sentenced to 180 days in jail, but that sentence was STAYED and she won’t do time if she continues to obey all laws.
During the hearing, Lindsay’s attorney Mark Heller kept jumping up to talk — and Lindsay ran out of patience … telling him, “Don’t say anything else.” Heller ignored her and got up to talk again, and Lindsay said, “Oh my god, I’m going to kill you.” Priceless.

She also got glitter-bombed on the way in. [TMZ]

Birdman says that drug use did NOT cause Lil Wayne‘s life-threatening seizures.

“He had a seizure and we brought him to the hospital. We’ve been here ever since. But he’s doin’ much better and he’s in good shape right now,” the Cash Money CEO told the veteran radio show host, shooting down reports that Wayne had multiple seizures and multiple hospital trips, as previously reported by TMZ.
Bird estimated that Wayne would be home possibly Monday or Tuesday. “He’s recovered real good, he’s doing real good. At any time, we’re just waiting on the call,” he explained.
In a separate interview with Mack Maine said Wayne was out of ICU, countering an earlier report from TMZ.
The site also reported that Wayne had his stomach pumped three times after doctors found large amounts of codeine in the rapper’s system. Bird didn’t speak on the stomach pumping, but he did say with confidence that drug use was not a contributing factor to Weezy’s hospitalization. “To me, it’s just his work ethic. It’s just how he put in and what he believe in and how hard he work, how much dedication he gives to music and his fans and what he tryin’ to accomplish in life. It had nothing to do with drugs,” he said over the phone. “He just needs to get some rest, relax, take it one day at a time.”

Oh, I see. He overdosed on caring. [MTV]

Lily Tomlin says she thinks Girls is too sexual.

“I think it’s too sexually focused. I think it should have a little more range,” Tomlin told Vanity Fair. “But the sexuality is what is going to bring the big audience, and a lot of young girls, I suppose, puzzling over what to do and what not to do or how to do it. Life is very different from the time when I was 20 and the time Lena is …”
Tomlin, who calls herself a feminist, said one of the fallouts of feminism is girls have become more accessible. “Maybe not wisely accessible. A lot of young girls — they’re expected to give blow jobs now. Young, young girls, as far as I can perceive. Maybe 12 or 13 years old. I mean, that’s a rite of passage, I suppose,” Tomlin said. “As a feminist, I don’t want those girls to be used. Maybe they love giving blow jobs, I don’t know. Maybe they do? But I don’t think you really love giving boys in general blow jobs without any feeling to someone you’re not close to. I don’t try to speak for people that young. I’m not that young anymore. But my own sense of self — I wouldn’t give myself away that easily.”

K. [HuffPo]

All these droplets of human Zzzquil Real Housewives are fighting with each other. I’m so sorry I ever said these ladies were boring, you guys, because they are fascinating.

The pair comes to blows during a party at Vanderpump’s home after Resnick lays into Lisa – accusing her of siding with Brandi Glanville and enlisting the outspoken 40-year-old’s services to help fight her battle against Adrienne Maloof.
“I think you are out to to get Adrienne,” Resnick charges. “And you are using Brandi to get even with people.”
Vanderpump manages to stay relatively calm as she denies the accusations, but the temperature rises as soon as Faye starts bitching about Brandi “hooking up” with a man in the bathroom during Kyle Richards‘ recent White Party!
Lisa immediately jumps to her friend’s defense and brands Resnick a gossip and a hypocrite!
“Faye is being a little hypocritical here,” Vanderpump tells the camera. “Faye is guilty of what she was accusing Brandi of, spreading malicious gossip.”

Andy Cohen is also mad, apparently. Also that thing I said earlier about being sorry was a lie. NOT SORRY, THEY ARE THE WORST. [Radar]

  • Here’s Gerard Butler with his parents! Cute! Also you can go Ask Him Anything at Reddit, I guess, if you want. [JustJared]
  • And what do we say to the god of death, Prince Charles? [E!]
  • Oh no! Carnie Wilson has Bell’s Palsy! Luckily, Bell’s Palsy goes away. Get well soon, Carnie Wilson. [ContactMusic]
  • Jared Leto schockierender Gewichtsverlust für Filmrolle! [weird German E! that shows up in my feed sometimes]
  • Selena Gomez went on David Letterman looking cute, but kind of with no pants. Then she made a joke about Justin Bieber and his fans went apeshit because they are children with no critical thinking skills. The end. [ONTD]
  • Rob Kardashian weighs 235 pounds but he would like to weigh 195 pounds. Good to know, Rob Kardashian. [Us]
  • Keyshia Cole called Beyonce “self-righteous”! [Us]
  • Headline: “The Rock ‘loves’ Channing Tatum.” [ContactMusic]

Lil Bub and Friendz.

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