Man Banned From Naked Bike Ride For Not Keeping His Boner In Check

An unnamed man trying to take part in a World Naked Bike Day race in England was ordered to suit up and go home after organizers discovered that he was just way too excited to ride for a healthier environment. Like way too excited. Are you catching my drift here, or should I be more explicit? Okay, he had a boner.

Organizers noticed the man was aroused before the race started and pulled him aside to have a conversation about what is and isn’t appropriate at the event. While I can’t imagine his erection was the only one (this is why my philosophy is ‘never go to a nude beach’), it was the most prominent one at the time and was viewed as harassment, which sounds right. Whether the man was trying to make others feel uncomfortable is uncertain, but anyone thinking about taking part in any type of naked event should really think about how easily they get aroused before promenading out and about with no clothes on. (The event does not require riders to be naked, by the way.)

According to Mashable, public nudity isn’t an offense as long as it isn’t meant to harass or alarm, so the event was allowed to continue as soon as the man left, to the delight of the many people who were there to cycle nude for a better tomorrow.

If you want to take part next year, here’s a description of the event:

The World Naked Bike Ride is “a peaceful, imaginative and fun protest against oil dependency and car culture,” organisers say. “A celebration of the bicycle and also a celebration of the power and individuality of the human body. A symbol of the vulnerability of the cyclist in traffic.”

Just make sure you’re not a weird creeper before you go riding naked down the street. Also: If anyone here has participated in this event, can you explain how you’re able to bear the bike seat on your naked butt? I went to a spin class once and had to stuff a towel down the back of my pants. Are you guys okay?