Mariah Carey Celebrates New Spotify Streaming Record by Rightfully Calling Spotify Cheap

Did you know that Spotify, one of the most ubiquitous audio-streaming platforms in the United States (and maybe elsewhere idk they don’t give me healthcare to write this so I’m not googling), only pays artists a third of a penny to half a penny per stream at most? For big-name artists, that amounts to about $22,000 a month, but “non-top tier” musicians only rake in $12 monthly—$15 if they’re also the songwriter on their tracks.

That’s fucked up, right? Right! So, that’s why I’m so thrilled Mariah Carey casually referenced how fucking stingy Spotify is while celebrating the new single-day streaming record she set on the platform (we plebes apparently listened to her 1994 Christmas classic “All I Want for Christmas Is You” a grand total of 17.223 million times yesterday, The New York Post reports).

“Wow!” the elusive chanteuse tweeted on Friday. “I know people think I’m making coin (li’l secret: artists make very little from streams), but the real reason I’m sitting here in astonishment and gratitude is seeing the joy this little song I wrote brings to people. Thank you and Merry Christmas!”

“Artists make very little from streams”!!!! Love her so much. Now, if only we can get Mariah to make MC16 a Bandcamp exclusive…

2. I went on vacation and dated two guys who knew each other. I told them I had an identical twin and went out with both of them.

13. If I can’t find a hair tie [for] a ponytail, I just use my underwear.

16. I was once locked out of the house and I jumped the fence but didn’t know the gardener had put a new stake in the yard. I got impaled. It was a bloody mess. I’m lucky to be alive.

17. If I wasn’t an actor, I would [want to] be a billionaire that gave away money to people and animals that deserved it.

18. In second grade, we had a contest for who could name the six guinea pigs in the classroom. I named one Bell Bottoms. I can’t believe they went for it. Even I knew it was lame.

19. Also in second grade, my teacher asked us all to write a flattering paragraph about our moms for Mother’s Day. I found the book recently. [My] opening sentence was: “My mother has soft brown eyes like a cow.”

21. I’m the only person I know that has become less intelligent as they’ve gotten older.

23. Sometimes I try to figure out how many pieces of gum I can put into my mouth at once.

24. If I was stranded alone on an island, I would bring a tweezer, a magnifying mirror and some espresso.

25. I’ve always looked old for my age. I bought a case of beer when I was 11 with my neighbor’s wig.

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• Whoever controls the Legends Corner mural in Nashville—which depicts a bunch of country music stars like Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Garth Brooks, and Reba McEntyre all hanging out together—decided to paint over Taylor Swift and replace her with Brad Paisley. Rude! [TMZ]
• POV: You’re stuck in a hot tub with Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes.