Met Gala 2022: All the Looks That Gave Us John Jacob Astor or Just Half-Assed
Kim Kardashian, Bella Hadid, Lizzo and more showed up at the Metropolitan Museum of Art to give us their best (and worst) takes on Gilded Age New York.
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It’s the first Monday of May so the celebrities, fashion auteurs, and well-connected rich people around the world are coalescing on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City to shove their wealth and Botoxed brows in our inferior little faces. Happy fucking Met Gala, my darlings.
As the second part of the first-ever two-part Met Gala (the first was in September 2021), attendees have been asked to “embody the grandeur—and perhaps the dichotomy—of Gilded Age New York,” according to Vogue for this year’s theme: “In America: An Anthology of Fashion.”
“The period, which stretched from 1870 to 1890, was one of unprecedented prosperity, cultural change, and industrialization, when both skyscrapers and fortunes seemingly arose overnight,” the publication continues.
This year’s official co-chairs and hosts are Regina King, Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, while Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour will continue her nearly 30-year reign as honorary co-chair. Notably, this year’s fete is steeped in a bit of controversy as Conde Nast has yet to recognize its unionized workers—who will surely work to cover the event, one of the longest days in fashion without a lick of overtime pay. All so that Americans can squabble over the worst “accidental” incidents of cultural appropriation on a global stage. What a delight!
Vogue has noted that the Gala will “focus on inclusivity in fashion” in an attempt to surface designers and artists “forgotten, overlooked or relegated into the footnotes of fashion history.” Ironically, many celebs overlooked homegrown American designers of color during last year’s Americana-themed event, instead using their bodies as vehicles for established Eurocentric brand names. We’d absolutely love Vogue to admit its own part in the erasure and marginalization of Black and brown designers, but that’s likely too ambitious of an ask for a night that literally spells out a stark division between the “storied” and the “forgotten.”
While the Met Gala has previously given us criminal justice commentary from Rihanna, who said she was inspired by the black hoodie as representation for the outsized criminalization of Black people, Madonna’s assless chaps, AOC’s “Tax the Rich” gown in a room full of noticeably rich people, Jared Leto featuring Jared Leto’s head as an accessory, and Zendaya content for all of eternity, this year’s Met Gala feels a bit like an obsolete dinosaur. It’s an evening both characterized and cherished for its gatekeeping of the upper class. Those who have class, clout, and the right amount of cultural cachet in the eyes of one out-of-touch media elitist score a place on the carpet, all in the middle of a reignited labor movement. Even this year’s couture gobblers think the event has lost its touch and gone “Halloween,” according to The New York Post (Katy Perry’s hamburger ensemble, anyone?).
Anyway, onto some insightful ass-ripping, I mean critiques!
Kim Kardashian
Wrong era, but who the fuck cares, Kim Kardashian is really wearing the iconic “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” Marilyn Monroe dress. Two sex symbols, one dress. What can anyone say?
Kylie Jenner
A weird wedding dress and a backwards hat. Thanks, we hate it.
Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian
A kilt and a deconstructed tuxedo: hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. On brand.
Megan Thee Stallion
Well, she has the “gilded” part down!
Lizzo
I’d throw down my entire dowry to have her play at my 1800s wedding.
Nicki Minaj
Gilded Age meets streetwear. A bit confusing, but we stan.
Kiki Layne
She’s absolutely perfect. Belle of the ball.
Emily Ratajkowski
Is she cosplaying “gypsy?” I don’t get it.
Khloe Kardashian
It’s her first Met Ball, let’s just let her have this one.
Addison Rae
She’s a cracked mirror who does not give a fuck about themes! Bad luck for seven years.
Maggie Rogers
The pixie cut, the free nipples... all perfectly on brand.
Kerry Washington
Corset, romanticism, tulle? Check, check, and check.
Kendall Jenner
I hate it when she looks good, it goes against every fiber of my being. But yes, she slayed.
Gwen Stefani
Okay, highlighters weren’t invented til 1962. OFF-THEME.
Katy Perry
I preferred the hamburger, honestly.
Bella Hadid
We’ve just discovered that there is, in fact, something worse than socks and sandals.
Cara Delevingne
I mean, it’s at least interesting! I just can’t stop staring at the gold spray-painted pasties!!
Gigi Hadid
If the Queen of Hearts lived in an igloo?
Billie Eilish
This gentle flower, you see, it rests upon my chest. And beneath it lies my heart, which beats wildly for Zendaya, who is not here.
Blake Lively
I know we make fun of Miss Lively for styling herself like it’s 2009, but damn, I’m speechless. The regal gloves, chrome train, emerald earrings: SHE is the moment. Someone please make sure Anna knows the night is all about Blake, and not at all about her!!!
Tessa Thompson
The only kind of balletcore I can get behind.
Lenny Kravitz
Go off, you little harlequin.
Camila Cabello
I’m getting Marie Antoinette’s garden in full bloom. Extra points for the shoulder pads.
Cynthia Erivo
Will someone kindly go fetch the Duchess a glass of champagne? We are celebrating this look.
Normani
This ensemble is Wicked good. Will be plastering glitter on my stomach in the name of Normani forever more.
Emma Stone
She looked the gilded age right in the eye...
Elon Musk
Spot on, Elon! That’s exactly what I’d look like if you approached me!!
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
Joe: Phantom of the Opera. Sophie: A Victorian lady ghost who has leapt straight from a painting in a haunted mansion. Nailed it.
Sebastian Stan
Cool pink suit, bro. Where you going?
Alicia Keys
In NEW YAAAAAWK, Alicia’s shown us what concrete dreams are made of. And how to rock a skyline cape.
Sarah Jessica Parker
SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ THE ASSIGNMENT. We love a big-ass bustle!!!
Laura Harrier
Too busy gawking to share anything eloquent. A vision.
Venus Williams
I mean yeah, she looks like a boss, though I’m not sure if it’s an 1800s boss??
Mindy Kaling
Gorgeous, gorgeous... Greek goddess? Did not understand the assignment, but looks great.
Janelle Monáe
Is it possible to look absolutely stunning while also looking like a gilded-era cheshire cat?
Camila Mendes
This is clearly flapper-inspired (which is the wrong era), but I’m letting it slide because she looks gorgeous. I’m ready to steal those perfect little sheer gloves off of her body.
Maude Apatow
This is more old Hollywood glamour than anything close to the Gilded Age. I’m personally annoyed that her stylist didn’t use this as an opportunity to put her in something fun or daring or remotely interesting.
Tommy Dorfman
If she showed up at a debutante ball, you KNOW the girls would be shaking. 10/10 for the latex twist.
Shawn Mendes
It’s giving very literal Prince Charming.
Ashton Sanders
Haunted zombie prince gets a gold star for creativity because, yes, this event is absolutely haunted by living ghouls.
Kacey Musgraves
“Dahhhling, it’s rather hot in here, and I do think the skeletons have been grabbing at my petticoat again.”
Kaia Gerber
I find this dress to be like a golden retriever: darling, but a bit basic.
Amy Schumer
“Hungover at a funeral” is a choice.
Ryan Reynolds
The attire was “white tie,” so he gave us a white bow tie and potentially a pocket watch? Mister Creative Advertising Genius couldn’t think of anything else? You’re really going to stand next to Blake Fucking Lively in plain-ass coattails?
Franklin Leonard
MORE. MEN. IN. BUSTLES.
Emma Chamberlain
WHO INVITED AN INFLUENCER TO THE MET GALA? Just kidding, Emma is high-fashion royalty amongst the content creators. While I’m picking up the puff sleeve allusion, I’m getting more white puff pastry than extraordinarily gilded.
Vanessa Hudgens
I, too, Googled “how to look chic,” and this pose popped up. This sheer take on Bridgerton attire is kinda edgy, I just wish it was on someone else.
Anna Wintour
Why am I screaming that she’s in a fucking tiara?! I can’t even look at this flamingo nonsense. I’m distracted by her crown. Is she wearing it ironically or un-ironically, in which case I am spitting out my drink cackling??
La La Anthony
Hat game is perfect, a fantastic bird poop blocker. No notes.
Wendi Murdoch
Not Rupert Murdoch’s ex-wife looking like the down feathers my cat keeps clawing out of my throw pillows, or a matted Muppet that got caught in the rain.
Melissa King
These accessories are ornate camp straight off the Game of Thrones set.
Autumn de Wilde
Ma’am, no. Why did you draw inspiration from the VHS cover of Cinderella?
Janicza Bravo
Bravo to Bravo! Someone get these gold plated toes up on WikiFeet immediately.
Paapa Essiedu
Paapa looks pretty fly, honestly. We dig a man in a skirt.
Harris Dickinson
Less gilded, more sad repressed altar boy?
Elizabeth Shaffer
Normally I wouldn’t even bother with Anna Wintour’s daughter-in-law, but guys, please, enough with the bows. It wasn’t cool when Amy Schumer did it, and it’s certainly not cool now. I don’t even care if your bows are some meta commentary on the way society constricts women’s rights—leave them at home!
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.